I was angry yesterday.

To the person who made me feel this way:

Remember who was the one who told me I was reckless to choose design course and I bought it upon myself when I teared at night because I was so very tired trying to finish my projects almost every day? Who was the one who said I was careless, stupid because the computer and my thumbdrive happened to clash at the same time and I lost all softcopies of my school files? Now you are the one who taste it and you accuse me of not having any sympathy when all I did was to keep quiet when you are complaining?

Who was the one who brushed me off when I complained about work, saying I am a grumbling queen? Now I choose not to discuss and talk about my decisions, any of it, and you think I am too nonchalant?

I remember all these because it is a reminder that I need to learn to manage stress and be independent. I need to stop wincing and affect others. I need to know for every steps I chose, if I ever regret, I have myself to blame. I need to constantly mend my ways to be a better person. And you? You got it wrong. You can only think of how petty I am to remember such trivial matters. What are you now? No point in arguing with you so I would rather be silent. You don't even deserve any explanation. One day, you will see. In the meantime, get the hell out of my sight.

Some are asking me "Don't you feel sian, jobless and all?"

And I've the answer for everyone who asked, or have yet to ask. I wouldn't have resigned without a job if I'm afraid of boredom during my break. I went for what I wanted and I got it. There are bound to be some sacrifices made. Instead of having regrets (if any), then why not simply enjoy and make full use of it? Then, I'll move on.

Recently, few of my friends seem to be going through some relationship problems. Hope things will straighten out very soon...

枯树前杂踏脚步 刻着心碎的控诉
读完别人的感触 却又义无反顾的投入
谁的脚步有几个真的可以远离爱 远离糊涂...

祝福什么都不再记住
祝福很快会找到幸福
祝福爱情的信徒 那善男信女别再辛苦
(Lyrics extracted from 萧敬腾 - 善男信女)

Just a note to let you guys know that I've created another blog solely for my baking-related stuff.

http://thestickydough.blogspot.com/

And this blog will continue to be a place for me to vent frustrations, share my absurb thoughts etc.

There's no such a thing as the perfect lyrics for everyone. It's just a matter of individual perception and apprehension. Who are we to judge whether it's right or wrong when words, a phrase, could be perceived in so many different meanings and told so many sides of a story? We can only like, or dislike.

The song lyrics might not be telling your story, your memories, but for some unexplainable reasons it was beautiful simply because it evoked a certain emotion within you and you found yourself feeling for it, maybe even crying for it...

我们都曾经寂寞而给对方承诺
我们都因为折磨而厌倦了生活
我们改变了态度而接纳了对方
我们委屈了自己...成全谁的梦想?

I dedicated this post to my brother whom I'm sure wouldn't be reading this. Sometimes, a right dose of sensitivity and imagination is good. Maybe that is why some people are meant to be a lyricist, a screenwriter and some, a mechanical engineer.

It is usually on a quiet afternoon that I have an impulse to find a partner. Someone who could be there for me during moments like this, when I feel the sudden emptiness...

Sometimes the busier you get, the lonelier you will feel during the time alone. I guess this is an emotion everyone faces occassionally, even the attached ones.

"Hey, the chocolate chips and nuts in your cookies are nice!"

It's a compliment. It's like telling a singer the song she sings has meaningful lyrics, it's like telling a tailor the colour of the threads she uses on her dress is unique, it's like telling a carpenter the texture of the wood of his chair looks great...

But does the singer sing well, reaching every high and low notes? Did the tailor sew a nice-fitting dress that compliments her client's figure? And how is the hands-on skill of the carpenter who tries to build a strong and durable piece of furniture?

When the secondary overpowers the first, is there really something to be happy about? It's a compliment alright, but it just wasn't enough. It makes me wonder, how long will it take for me to reach there?

As long as I keep trying, I'll have a chance.

15 minutes of fame

Would you like to have 15 minutes of fame?

A large cockroach

I was scared out of my wits this morning at 3am. I jumped out of bed and I shook my body non-stop when my brother woke me up urgently...

Because one disgusting cockroach crawled onto me when I was deep in sleep.

Have you ever dreamt of growing old with someone you love? When you both could no longer sprint like a kid, munch on chocolate with full row of teeth, read every single words on the newspapers, hear people calling your name from afar, type with two steady hands on the keyboard... When seeing young couples with roses everywhere, you probably don't remember it's Valentine Day...

But even so, you hold onto each other with shaky hands to cross the road, you grab onto each other when losing balance on the bus, you spend more and more time with each other in silence since you can't speak or hear perfectly well by then, yet the memories you both shared will come back as clear as ever when you are nearing deathbed. Beautiful or not, still, it's a story of your very own...

If only every marriage could last that long... Life isn't perfect without a little setback every now and then, a person isn't complete without a few flaws, just like love isn't beautiful without some effort, grumbles and flashes of memory...

或许我有点无聊 常希望我们快点老
步履蹒跚的脚 再也不逃跑
世界只会越来越渺小 只剩下我们紧紧的依靠
我的故事 傍晚聊到大清早

选择不对我说 但我明了 你对我的好
爱情安静却有 强烈的讯号
我的短暂流浪 你是支撑孤单的信仰
你总微笑随我的疯狂 红着眼眶敷着我的伤
静静等在远方 细数着星光

陪着我...
(Lyrics extracted from 萧敬腾 - 给爱人)

There are two types of personality that make a person happier than the others. Those who genuinely care, and those who don't care at all. If you are stuck in between, neither here nor there, then your life will probably be full of dilemma.

And dilemma often drives an undecisive person crazy.

It's Biscotti day.

I've fallen head over heels for Hazelnut. It pairs up deliciously with bits of dark chocolate.

I like hazelnut.

First burden-free Saturday in two years. I've got cheese aroma lingers in the kitchen at 9am.

I felt a need to vent.

Sometimes no one else can understand how you feel but yourself. Sometimes the more you explain, the worse they will think of you.

I don't like to quarrel, and I don't like to explain myself either. When eventually someone lands in the same situation and complain exactly the same thing, I will know I'm normal and I'm actually not as petty as I thought I am. Then maybe I will silently mumble "I told you so..." in my heart.

I went for CO laser this morning. Shall update again when everything starts to heal.

Thank you. And thank you again.

Their forthrightness makes me guilty. It just show how fake I am.

I hate this. I hate people treating me well cause I am not the kind to be equally good in return. I don't deserve it.

Starting my day with Macademia and Chocolate Chips cookies.

I left my job yesterday. This morning woke up feeling good, haven't been feeling like this for a long time.

A thought crossed my mind earlier. When I'm 28, starting on a new job, can I still expect others to repeatedly teach me step by step on how to get certain things done? And then send me emails with all the instructions and procedures in case I forgot to jot down notes and forget? Can I still expect others to explain to me what are Delivery order, Peforma Invoice and Purchase order in details? Even if the person I'm replacing did all the above, can I still expect her to answer all my calls and repeat to me some of the above again?

And the important part - in the harsh working society, will I get to meet someone as kind and patient?