Thank you SZ and HJ for the bag. Love it lots! Muack~

Coincidently, this year my birthday fell on the first day of a week, the day when everyone working seemed to get the blues...

And it was usually during the holiday period when the jobless ones got the blues.

Thanks Yen, for the lovely chocolate bouquet.

Merry X'mas to all. Let us all rock the jingle bell~

Sweetie Jean was unable to join us but we had fun, and then some embarrassment when we made abit of a fool out of ourselves at Ricciotti the italian restuarant, all thanks to the crazily creative mind of Joey...

Realise I can cook too.

Came across this excerpt from a book I was reading recently.

A story is told of a man who goes to church and prays, "God, I need a break. I need to win the state lottery. I'm counting on you, God."

Having not won the lottery, the man returns to church a week later and once again prays, "God, about the lottery...I've been kind to my wife. I've given up drinking. I've been really good. Give me a break. Let me win the lottery."

A week later, still no richer, he returns to pray once again, "God, I don't seem to be getting through to you on this state lottery thing. I've been using positive self-talk, saying affirmations, and visualizing about the money. Give me a break, God. Let me win the lottery."

Suddenly the heavens open up, a white light and heavenly music flood into the church, and a deep voice says, "My son, Give me a break! Buy a lottery ticket!"

I was feeling a bit 'too-free' and 'nothing-better-to-do' tonight.

So I opened my cupboard, saw the two denim shorts Miss Cool bought for me from Thailand...

And decided to take a snap.

COVA Pasticceria at Paragon. Nice ambience, nice desserts and nice friends.

Supported Mr Wayne's teddy bear show yesterday.

Oops, the 2 cute little bears on the left caught me snapping pictures of them... =x

"Introverts can appear self-absorbed and uninterested but rather than being self-centered, they are often really the opposite..."

"The ability to focus on their internal world and reflect on what they are feeling and experiencing allows them to understand the external world and other human beings better. What appears to be self-centeredness is actually the very talent that provides the capacity to understand what it's like to put themselves in someone else's shoes."

(Extracted from Marti Olsen Laney - The Introvert Advantage)

Glad to have you as my lunch Kaki for 2 and a half years. We talked. We complained. We laughed. I've never known you so well before.

And thanks for being my friend for 13 years. I'll miss you!

Mum says "You had a good job in your previous company and yet you don't treasure it."

Mum says "Look at how pitiful your brothers are, count yourself lucky you don't have to work shifts, work weekends, work OT often."

Justy stares into space and thinks "I just want a simple and balance life, a job I can endure for years and a hobby-turned-passion that keeps on burning. Life's too short to drown in unhappiness...and life's too short to stay in a job that constantly makes you feel like an useless bum."

My first job was in a eyewear distributing company. Second was in the Entertainment and Media industry.

I've never planned to enter the marketing field, particularly so because I don't have the confidence to interact and communicate well with people of all levels, but sometimes life seems to have already paved a path for you and that route might not be the one you are most comfortable or familiar with. Maybe it's a challenge, a test, laid by god. It's up to you whether to follow it or not...

I realized I might need to go for another round of laser treatment since the one I underwent didn't completely remove the mole on my cheek. Doc told me this might happen but still, I couldn't shake off the slight disappointment. Anyhow, I'll do it again some time next year.

There are people who asked why I want to remove it in the first place. Why? Ever watch movies when the person with moles were teased and made fun of? Ever remember your long-time-no-see friend as 'The one with moles on her face'? Ever experience the awkwardness of someone looking at your photographs and commenting only on how obvious the mole on your cheek was in the dark? And even with makeup to conceal, there are still people who get near and try to see the flaws, there are still people who feel the need to remind you your moles weren't perfectly covered up. Dark eyes circles would need professional skill to conceal, least to mention black moles.

I've been self-conscious.... or maybe I'm simply vain.

Those who have the access to my blog aren't the ones who did the above so dear friends, no worries you guys are still in my christmas celebration list. Ha!

To a friend who has recently broken off with her boyfriend of many years, I hope time will heal soon enough... Go, Ms Cutie Chuin.

Went shopping, bought oven, ate supper, played candles... all in a day.

Had a fun and 'brightly lit' Mooncake Festival with Ms Yen. And I hope she enjoys my cookies as much as she enjoyed my mum's Hokkien Mee.

'Rar-bins' and transparent 'Gong'.

Thanks to Ms Tingle bell for bringing me to Phoon Huat. These match the packaging materials I had in my mind...

Lanterns, Candles, Chinese tea and... Mooncakes.

This year is the first year I bought mooncakes home, just to get a feel of that festive mood. Ms Chuin recommended Peony Jade and it didn't disappoint me one bit. Their signatured mooncake with flaky skin and smooth yam filling was above my expectation. The pandan snow skin one with creamy durian paste was equally yummy.

Funny how I would think of buying now just when I'm penniless. My heart, ridiculously, could only feel the relief of leaving that place...

I was angry yesterday.

To the person who made me feel this way:

Remember who was the one who told me I was reckless to choose design course and I bought it upon myself when I teared at night because I was so very tired trying to finish my projects almost every day? Who was the one who said I was careless, stupid because the computer and my thumbdrive happened to clash at the same time and I lost all softcopies of my school files? Now you are the one who taste it and you accuse me of not having any sympathy when all I did was to keep quiet when you are complaining?

Who was the one who brushed me off when I complained about work, saying I am a grumbling queen? Now I choose not to discuss and talk about my decisions, any of it, and you think I am too nonchalant?

I remember all these because it is a reminder that I need to learn to manage stress and be independent. I need to stop wincing and affect others. I need to know for every steps I chose, if I ever regret, I have myself to blame. I need to constantly mend my ways to be a better person. And you? You got it wrong. You can only think of how petty I am to remember such trivial matters. What are you now? No point in arguing with you so I would rather be silent. You don't even deserve any explanation. One day, you will see. In the meantime, get the hell out of my sight.

Some are asking me "Don't you feel sian, jobless and all?"

And I've the answer for everyone who asked, or have yet to ask. I wouldn't have resigned without a job if I'm afraid of boredom during my break. I went for what I wanted and I got it. There are bound to be some sacrifices made. Instead of having regrets (if any), then why not simply enjoy and make full use of it? Then, I'll move on.

Recently, few of my friends seem to be going through some relationship problems. Hope things will straighten out very soon...

枯树前杂踏脚步 刻着心碎的控诉
读完别人的感触 却又义无反顾的投入
谁的脚步有几个真的可以远离爱 远离糊涂...

祝福什么都不再记住
祝福很快会找到幸福
祝福爱情的信徒 那善男信女别再辛苦
(Lyrics extracted from 萧敬腾 - 善男信女)

Just a note to let you guys know that I've created another blog solely for my baking-related stuff.

http://thestickydough.blogspot.com/

And this blog will continue to be a place for me to vent frustrations, share my absurb thoughts etc.

There's no such a thing as the perfect lyrics for everyone. It's just a matter of individual perception and apprehension. Who are we to judge whether it's right or wrong when words, a phrase, could be perceived in so many different meanings and told so many sides of a story? We can only like, or dislike.

The song lyrics might not be telling your story, your memories, but for some unexplainable reasons it was beautiful simply because it evoked a certain emotion within you and you found yourself feeling for it, maybe even crying for it...

我们都曾经寂寞而给对方承诺
我们都因为折磨而厌倦了生活
我们改变了态度而接纳了对方
我们委屈了自己...成全谁的梦想?

I dedicated this post to my brother whom I'm sure wouldn't be reading this. Sometimes, a right dose of sensitivity and imagination is good. Maybe that is why some people are meant to be a lyricist, a screenwriter and some, a mechanical engineer.

It is usually on a quiet afternoon that I have an impulse to find a partner. Someone who could be there for me during moments like this, when I feel the sudden emptiness...

Sometimes the busier you get, the lonelier you will feel during the time alone. I guess this is an emotion everyone faces occassionally, even the attached ones.

"Hey, the chocolate chips and nuts in your cookies are nice!"

It's a compliment. It's like telling a singer the song she sings has meaningful lyrics, it's like telling a tailor the colour of the threads she uses on her dress is unique, it's like telling a carpenter the texture of the wood of his chair looks great...

But does the singer sing well, reaching every high and low notes? Did the tailor sew a nice-fitting dress that compliments her client's figure? And how is the hands-on skill of the carpenter who tries to build a strong and durable piece of furniture?

When the secondary overpowers the first, is there really something to be happy about? It's a compliment alright, but it just wasn't enough. It makes me wonder, how long will it take for me to reach there?

As long as I keep trying, I'll have a chance.

15 minutes of fame

Would you like to have 15 minutes of fame?

A large cockroach

I was scared out of my wits this morning at 3am. I jumped out of bed and I shook my body non-stop when my brother woke me up urgently...

Because one disgusting cockroach crawled onto me when I was deep in sleep.

Have you ever dreamt of growing old with someone you love? When you both could no longer sprint like a kid, munch on chocolate with full row of teeth, read every single words on the newspapers, hear people calling your name from afar, type with two steady hands on the keyboard... When seeing young couples with roses everywhere, you probably don't remember it's Valentine Day...

But even so, you hold onto each other with shaky hands to cross the road, you grab onto each other when losing balance on the bus, you spend more and more time with each other in silence since you can't speak or hear perfectly well by then, yet the memories you both shared will come back as clear as ever when you are nearing deathbed. Beautiful or not, still, it's a story of your very own...

If only every marriage could last that long... Life isn't perfect without a little setback every now and then, a person isn't complete without a few flaws, just like love isn't beautiful without some effort, grumbles and flashes of memory...

或许我有点无聊 常希望我们快点老
步履蹒跚的脚 再也不逃跑
世界只会越来越渺小 只剩下我们紧紧的依靠
我的故事 傍晚聊到大清早

选择不对我说 但我明了 你对我的好
爱情安静却有 强烈的讯号
我的短暂流浪 你是支撑孤单的信仰
你总微笑随我的疯狂 红着眼眶敷着我的伤
静静等在远方 细数着星光

陪着我...
(Lyrics extracted from 萧敬腾 - 给爱人)

There are two types of personality that make a person happier than the others. Those who genuinely care, and those who don't care at all. If you are stuck in between, neither here nor there, then your life will probably be full of dilemma.

And dilemma often drives an undecisive person crazy.

It's Biscotti day.

I've fallen head over heels for Hazelnut. It pairs up deliciously with bits of dark chocolate.

I like hazelnut.

First burden-free Saturday in two years. I've got cheese aroma lingers in the kitchen at 9am.

I felt a need to vent.

Sometimes no one else can understand how you feel but yourself. Sometimes the more you explain, the worse they will think of you.

I don't like to quarrel, and I don't like to explain myself either. When eventually someone lands in the same situation and complain exactly the same thing, I will know I'm normal and I'm actually not as petty as I thought I am. Then maybe I will silently mumble "I told you so..." in my heart.

I went for CO laser this morning. Shall update again when everything starts to heal.

Thank you. And thank you again.

Their forthrightness makes me guilty. It just show how fake I am.

I hate this. I hate people treating me well cause I am not the kind to be equally good in return. I don't deserve it.

Starting my day with Macademia and Chocolate Chips cookies.

I left my job yesterday. This morning woke up feeling good, haven't been feeling like this for a long time.

A thought crossed my mind earlier. When I'm 28, starting on a new job, can I still expect others to repeatedly teach me step by step on how to get certain things done? And then send me emails with all the instructions and procedures in case I forgot to jot down notes and forget? Can I still expect others to explain to me what are Delivery order, Peforma Invoice and Purchase order in details? Even if the person I'm replacing did all the above, can I still expect her to answer all my calls and repeat to me some of the above again?

And the important part - in the harsh working society, will I get to meet someone as kind and patient?

A little something for my colleagues tomorrow.

I felt oddly relieved...

She looks like a tomboy but...

She's cool.

Every choice I made, I want no regrets...

I'm going to see a dermalogist, and I'm actually quite afraid to go alone.

Chanced upon this song sang by Ah Hsiao 2 years ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap9mjRT3j9I&feature=related

I don't know who is the original singer, but his version was good enough. A very simple song...

外面的世界很精彩
我出去會不會失敗
外面的世界特別慷慨
闖出去我就可以活過來

留在這裡我看不到現在
我要出去尋找我的未來
下定了決心改變日子真難捱
吹熄了蠟燭願望就是離開

外面的世界很精彩
我出去會變得可愛
外面的機會來得很快
我一定找到自己的存在
一離開頭也不轉不回來
我離開永遠都不再回來

I made a foolish decision on 27 July...

But I'm happy.

Recently I like this particular singer. He's not an eye-candy, can't express himself well and sometimes, even looks a bit silly and awkward on screen. Strangely, the moment he sings these flaws were easily overlooked. Nevertheless, I didn't start listening his songs until I chanced upon a short article of his background.

Like him simply because his drive, courage, simplicity, innocence touches me. In him, I see the complete opposite of me. We can be equally shy, unconfident and aimless at certain point in our life. We can be similarly uncomfortable and uneasy when focus is on us, hoping to just slip to one quiet corner - I've let these dragged me down while I grumble every now and then, yet he has chosen to silently overcome it. He's young. He's talented. He knows what he can do best and goes all out to pursue his dream. At an age of 15, how many can be as determined and clear about what they want to be doing with their life? He starts learning musical instruments, starts trying out singing in pubs, starts taking part in compeitions. He didn't win then, but queues started forming at the pubs where he sang and suddenly, with only 3 brief appearances on TV, he becomes famous.

"你只管唱...
...我们会让你站在舞台上"

Some said he is lucky. To some extend, he is, to have fans who wrote the above... Who support him from the pub, to now, on the stage.

It's not the most interesting story I've heard before, but I think it's the whole process that's important. The process of trying, learning, improving and becoming a better person. The process of looking back and see how far you've came, how much hard work you've put in to get you where you are now.

At 15, I lacked the courage and confidence to do what I want. At 24, I'm no better than 9 years ago. 有些东西没做, 时机一旦错过就在也不能回去了.

I've done these numerous times but still it left me feeling guilty. And tomorrow morning, I know I will feel even more so. Then, this feeling just continued on and on... because I know I will continue to do this again and again...

Turn me into a stone, please?

Maybe one day I will get so angry and disappointed in myself, then I will shot myself.

I Know I've got quite a 'good girl' look, that's basically what others will say of me.

And then the other day, while having lunch with a friend, casually she mentioned 'good girl' usually can't dress well and don't look pretty but yeah, they are good and easy-going because they are 'GOOD girl'.

There, someone who shares the same thought as me. Would you rather be good girl who don't have a fashion sense, or a sociable party girl who can carry herself well?

I think I'll stick to who I really am.

I was reflecting on my life just now. I really should start taking steps to change the things I'm not happy with. I can't forever be grumbling about this and that and then few years later, still I'm stuck in the same situation which makes me grumbled. It's unhealthy. A person ought to be responsible for the decision he/she made. I think being able to tender my resignation without guilt will be the very first big step for me. Found a job which doesn't make me dread myself to work will be the second.

I admire people will are calm, decisive, confident and sociable. One day, when I'm old, I hope I can look back and see those strengths in myself.

I'm not in my best of mood today. Actually, I haven't been in really good mood ever since Mr hairdresser chopped my thick hair into unbalance layers. I'm usually not so particular about short hair. Well, I'm equally ugly and kiddish in long hair anyway... maybe it's just because my 'big auntie' comes this week...

I shall go buy my favorite food later - waffles...