Did I mention that I just chopped off my long hair a month ago, to shoulder-length, with lots of layer and the shortest fringe I've ever cut?

Was a little sad at first (Sorry friends for listening to my endless complaints again). But kind of used to it by now, especially after trying out so many different ways of hiding my super-short bangs (Gel, clips, hairbands, headbands, etc). None feel comfortable on my big head except for the thick headbands, which is quite convenient and neat. Recently, I wore it to a relatives gathering. Most of them couldn't recognise me, and then, there were some who thought headbands is ugly, who didn't even hesitate to let me know what's on their mind when I walked pass! Great! Why are there such insensitive relatives on earth who tried and steal whatever self-confidence a person built up?

I complained and I complained and I complained...Non-stop.

My luck just ran out. Glued my mouth. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself...

Thanks ah yun, ah le, ah yen, ah pei for wasting their sms to reply to my never ending whining.

Finally! Finally I could log in to this f**k-up blog...

I felt like crying. For what? I don’t know. Just feel so disappointed, so discouraged, that the only thing I want to do now is to hide under my blanket and cry my heart out. I can’t control my thoughts, can’t stop comparing myself to others. Soon, very soon, my head’s gonna explode. Then maybe I might forget all this shit and be a happy person again…

Sometimes I think I need a psychiatrist…

No, on second thought, I think I need $$ more.

I used to be so happy when friday comes. That means tomorrow is the weekend, that means I can sleep late for two mornings in a row, that means I can enjoy shopping with friends and eat b-lunch with my family...

This was exactly how I was feeling when I just woke up today. I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, changed my clothes, still in a good mood... Until I glanced out of window and saw the drizzling. I hate rainy days. It always make me grey, lonely, moody...

Ah gong is back from the hospital. Tomorrow my relatives are coming by to look after him as he will be needing 24hr care. I guessed my brother will be sleeping in the same room with ah gong at night just in case he woke up and dream-walk again. Kinda tiring, but what else can we do? I think my brother is going to stop his job-hunting for awhile too. Hope that ah gong will recover soon...

Have been working in Cathay for almost 2 months now. Still couldn't click quite well with my 'ang mo' colleagues. Mostly, I just kept to myself during office hour and lunch-in alone. There are times when I so much wanted to tender, partly cause I just couldn't feel the sense of belonging there, and also because the lack of communication between me & them was starting to affect my working performance. Thus, I got scolding so often that I couldn't remember the exact number of times. I'm hanging on now, simply because it's the most interesting job I've had so far. But, for some reason, I knew I wouldn't stay for long...

How can a person work 8hrs mon-fri and not have a single 'friend' to chit-chat with everyday?

Just changed my blogskin. Tired. Going to sleep now. Tomorrow most probably will update new entry.

Good Night.

I hate making choice. Boo.

I felt like trying out again for designing (Provided if I could manage to convince the employer that I'm good, which in actual fact, I'm not). But, another two years of design job might affect the chance of me getting a stable administrative job in future.

This sux.

Suitable Job
- Administrative duties
- Little coordinating work
- 5 days work week
- Off work at 6pm or earlier
- Same salary with previous job or above
- Traveling time within two hours back and fro
- Seldom OT


Am I asking for too much? Perhaps. I'm just a boo boo.

How do people get rid of guiltiness? And who do i feel guilty so often? Pardon me my friends, if you happened to be the one whom I vent my frustration on this two months. Once, I read in Jun Jun blog, telling people not to ask about her lesson cause she believed some people simply asked for the sake of it. She was vexed yea? This situation applied to me as well. Don't ask or comment negatively about me being jobless please. I could deal with three to four of such comments, but as time goes on, i realized I've become very sensitive when people touched on this topic. My temper isn't good to start with, I believed I will explode soon. Try standing in my shoes. If you're reading this and thinking 'She's complaining, not again', well, who doesn't complain when they're upset? Those who don't, might probably be having depression now...


Qns 1: Did you go for any interview?


Qns 2: Did you send any resume today?


Qns 3: Still haven't found a job huh?


Qns 4: Still haven't slack enough huh?


Qns 5: You're jobless now and you're still thinking about buying phones and going tour?


Thanks to Miss Pei for telling her mama this when her mama asked about me "You know what people hate most? It's when others asking whether you have been searching for a job or have found a job, out of concern or not. It's okay to ask me, but you better don't ask her this or she will get irritated. If she've found one, trust me, words will spread"


If you're my close buddy, you should know by now that I've already found a job and will be starting work this coming monday. Wish me luck.

I hate it when people misunderstood me. Yea, and I also know that I shouldn't be bother to explain more because I couldn't change the way of how others think. I believed there are also times when I misunderstood people. From the way someone talk, sometimes what was meant to be simply a friendly advice could ended up like shooting him/her down.


Example 1:


Gal A: Boring shopping here. I want to exercise. I want to swim.
Gal B: Shopping is also a form of exercise.
Gal A: I want to lose weight. Shopping doesn't help one lose weight.
Gal B: Hmm, shopping also help to burn calories but not as much.
Gal A: It don't work for me, and, don't work for you as well. Don't lie to yourself.


Notice how the last sentence could easily be misunderstood.


Example 2:


Gal A: There's one new shopping mall around here.
Gal B: Which?
Gal A: It's new. I didn't know it was here until my friends told me. I don't even know it exist, you confirm don't know. Let's have the fries. Looks yummy.
Gal B: It don't tast that yummy to me now.
Gal A: Don't lie to yourself. You like it as much as I do. Eat it if you wanted to.


Okay. This is another one. Don't assume and make the other person feel foolish, though your intention might be totally harmless.

I guessed alot people, including me, still haven't master the art of good communication. Hoho.

I quit. Here I am, jobless again.

歌曲:Another You
歌手:Cascada

So many times I was alone and couldn’t sleep
You’ve left me drowning in the tears of memory
And ever since you’ve gone I’ve found it hard to breathe
‘Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn’t see
A thousand wasted dreams are rollin’ off my eyes
But time’s been healing me and I say goodbye

‘Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I’ll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
‘Cause someone makes me whole again
For sure
I’ll find another you

Could you imagine someone else is by my side
I’ve been afraid he couldn’t keep myself from falling
My heart was always searching for a place to hide
Could not wait till dawn to bring another day
You’re not the only one, so hear me when I say
The thoughts of you, they just fade away

Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes
You’re still a part of my life

‘But I can breathe again, dream again
I’ll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
‘Cause someone makes me whole again
For sure
I’ll find another you

A stubborn, confused lady living in her own world. Boooo…

Felt like I should so something to make my life much more meaningful. There are just so much dreams I’m afraid to reach out, so much things I’m afraid to even try…

Was it all because of the lacked confidence?

Dare to fall and laugh at yourself

- Quoted from Miss Joey Msn nick

I think my left toes feel funny. It's alright when I'm walking but it hurts while I jog. Win...damn sian

Suddenly, I understand why people got fed up easily when jobless. Probably because they ownself felt useless, that’s why they couldn’t control their mood and throw temper on others. Life is quite contradicting actually. Me, for an example, don’t know what I really want. How many others once felt like this? Or are still feelings like this?

Speaking of my interview this morning, I didn’t go in. I merely walked pass and skimmed the inside. I’m being a real coward when I saw the number of ang mos working there. I left. Then, heading towards the Mrt Station, I called up the person-in-charge and informed her that I’m not coming. I hate myself for whining every now and then when I didn’t even try to help myself, I hate myself for troubling others with my own personal problems when they are already busy with their owns. Just like the darkening of my mood, the skies turn grey too. What a day. I wondered when I could stop acting like a annoying complain queen and move on. Weird thing is, I know I’m being an irritating idiot but still continue it. Recently, someone nagged that I should stop doing stupid things to avoid scolding from others…

I’m noisy only around friends. I talked non stop and made them tired. But, honestly, is there a need to change my way? I thank everyone for their concern and encouragement toward my job interview. I failed terribly yeah. I didn’t even try. PLEASE STOP RAINING!!!

Yo. Finally Miss Yen passed to me my HK trip photos. hehe...






















Their Espirit and Gucci very big norhz











Our accomodation at Metro Park Hotel (Mongkok, Prince edward) wahaha.











Whaha. The mickey mouse MTR...so cute hor...Then, there's the ugly me taken at Disneyland palace. lolx...At night, this place will glow with lights, musics and fireworks.





























Beautiful lolx.
















Don't laugh at me guys. I admit I'm bo liao lolx!!! We are at The peak. Ming xing la xiang guan.




















Whahaha. I'm short and fat beside Mr Andy.










Twins yo.

Forgot to help them deposit money into bank account. They got fed up because the money was not deposit on time to deduct their fee yesterday. They quarreled and scolded that I couldn’t be depend on. Yeah. I thought so too. I’m just a forgetful and lazy idiot. In a situation like this, I really loathe myself. He yelled and reminded me yet again to deposit later. I continued typing this entry without answering him. I’m that bad. Yeah…

A person emailed me to arrange for an interview session with their western boss. Lousy as I always am, now I'm visualising and planning how it would go even though the interviewing date is on next monday. I think maybe I've got the minor social phobia. My chinese is poor, my english is poorer. The more I fear of going, the higher risk that I'm gonna stumble with my words there. I just couldn't stop being scare of...of? of meeting people? whatever. Knocked me out please. If I lost my memory, maybe I would not feel so useless...

07 January 2007

Breakfast:
- Duck rice
- Iced green tea

Lunch:
- Two slices of white bread with curry gravy
- Pear
- One scope of ice cream

Dinner:
- Don't know

06 January 2007

Breakfast:
- Mum cooked dish

Lunch:
- Long john silver
- Iced lemon tea

Dinner:
- Peach bubble tea
- Fried dumpling

Mum nagged that i had on a "too-too" mouth. Why? Was it because I'm not laughing that's why she thought I'm difficult and proud? I'm beginning to worry that as my face get rounder, the so called "too-too" mouth will be more obvious at times. Even my parents and brothers don't like me, then who else will be? This is so depressing ya? Enough thinking. Let me bang my mouth against the wall...Let me bang till it becomes flatter...Then I shall continue banging my whole body against the wall to become thinner since reducing calories intake and exercising doesn't help...

05 January 2007

Breakfast:
- Duck rice
- Iced green tea

Lunch:
- Two bananas
- Two small pieces of chocolate

Dinner:
- Strawberry desert
- Popcorn

03 January 2007:

Breakfast
- Half piece of ba gua
- Two small cubes of chocolate

Lunch
- Fried vegetarian bee hoon
- Iced green tea

Dinner
- Salad bar at Sizzler
- Iced water

04 January 2007:

Breakfast
- Half piece of ba gua
- Water melon

Lunch
- Tom yam mee hoon kuay
- Ice lemon tea

Dinner
- Soya bean curd
- Roasted chicken sandwiches

My 21st birthday is over. So fast. haha. Thanks Cousin for her Levi voucher and Dim sum treat on sunday. The earliest birthday present and wishes I've received this year. I haven't thought of what to buy with the voucher yet. I shall keep it until I thin down whahaa. Dreaming lolx. I should slap myself awake. Also, thanks her for staying up late on wednesday night and be the first to sms me...

My pretty pretty buddy Miss Chuin chuin dropped by on thursday morning with a strawberry short cake and christmas present whahaha. Actually she intended to give me a surprise but my big mouth Mum already told me on tuesday that she would be coming lolx. Ya, had no trouble remembering it cause Mum kept repeating till I had it memorized in my head "You're lucky to have this kind of friend. The rain poured heavily and still she came twice to my stall" The next sentence always made me laugh "Don't tell her I tell you she's coming because she tell me not to tell you she's coming" hahaha. Funny. Really touched norhz. After cutting the cake we sat around to chit chat. I think she somehow fell for my po-po soft toy (Kapo and Hippo) because her skeleton fingers just couldn't stop touching them. It's KAPO Miss Chuin, not kappo. haha! Thanks for what you've done whaha. Muackssssssssssssssssssssssssss. The cake was nice, and so was the belt okay? hehe...Strawberries are as sweet as me...











Pretty Miss Chuin and Ugly Miss Zhen hehe...at my home. I just woke up wor.



Yen went shopping with me on wednesday evening and dine at Sakae Sushi. We watched 'night at the musenum'. Very entertaining movie! hahaha. Before entering the cinemas, she brought me a christmas log cake in replace for birthday cake lolx. Thanks my cutie buddy k! lolx (Don't bang your head into the ceiling, you will have a hard time pulling it out) whahaha. I hoped she will like the christmas present norhz...

Pretty Cloud Miss Yun brought de mango cake from four leaves tasted super nice lolx! yum yum. There is a layer of mango pudding on top. Thanks for her accompany on thursday k! hehe. Oh ya, she did a Mr Jack birthday card for me. Very cute. Lucky Mr Jack'S wife is not inside or else me gonna burn it whahahaha! Kidding. Also, she 'stole' her Mum threads to tie up the chocolates. So coincidently the threads were in black and white colours whahaha. 'Eragon' was not bad, but the storyline progress kinda quickly...

On thursday night my ex company colleagues called my mobile to wish me happy birthday. haha happy. Thanks to you guys and those who sms me. I forgot if I replied or not to the smses. hahaha I so bad. Muack Muack~