The last picture we took togather was 2 - 3 yrs ago...

Ya, no kidding, it's that long!

Cookies 1, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

Occasionally, I'd love to wake up in the morning with the aroma of freshly baked cookies and muffins.

And then, a dashing boyfriend who is doing the baking will be just great.

It's sunday so a little dreaming doesn't hurt!

Saturday morning, I was listening to this old song and getting quite emotional...

Sometimes no matter how hard you tried to compromise and change, things will still be same. Then you get so tired inside and wish so much to give up... but you just can't let go...

More muffins, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

I had to throw away the first batch of batter without even putting it into the oven...

Strange enough, I wasn't even frustrated while baking for the second time. I guess scientists are right, chocolate do lighten people's mood, specially NICE chocolate...

Strawberries n' Chocolate, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

The day didn't start off smoothly, though it was a Fri...

But I'm glad the bad mood lasted for only awhile. By noon, I was enjoying the chat with Angeline. By night, I was laughing out loud at the stupid jokes Yen and me made...

By this morning, I was happily munching the chocolate I bought from Candy Empire yesterday...

Early in the morning 3.20 am I lay awake, tossing and keep remembering what I've overheard them said. For a moment I felt worthless, wishing again that I could earn more, wishing that I could be more successful. I cursed for the umpteen times that the annual increment I had calculated and expected didn't come, that the salary range I have targeted since last year was never met...

The disappointment had left me long ago. It was something else that was eating me...

I kept watch of the time, willing myself to sleep. 3.55 am I took one last glance at the bedside clock and finally I slept... No dreams... just a few drop of tears...

Tears to make myself feel better, to release some frustration. And I'm good now, ready to be positive once again...

Chocolah, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

It's a little doubtful...

This racing car is displayed in the lobby of Royal Plaza On Scotts, right outside 'Carousel' where Pei and myself went for high tea buffet.

Do you believe this car, 1:1 size, was made from real Chocolate?

Fun in theme park

Fun in theme park, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

Keeping photo album is good...

Why I sux?

Because I couldn't stop complaining...

Because I couldn't stop comparing...

Because I couldn't stop feeling guilty for bothering others with my own problems...

Because I know what I'm doing and feeling are wrong and yet I couldn't help it...

Because I tried so many times to stop all the above and here I am, still complaining, still comparing, still thinking how I'm such a sickening irritating bitch...

No I'm not angry with anyone. In fact, I would like to thank everyone who are there for me, encouraging me. I really really appreciate it even though at times I might act otherwise (I'm never one to show gradtitude freely). I hate wasting their time and spoilting their mood with my own trivial problems. I'm simply disappointed in myself, angry with myself. I very much wanted to change but I'm always back to sqaure one...

P.S: Jun, I read your blog. If you happened to read my previous post and misunderstood something, then do accept my apology :)

Crunchy Salad, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

Starting my exercising program.

Thanks to a friend today...yaya...great thanks to her for telling me only two sentences after my lengthy complain:

"Ok"
"Tender lor"


Thanks hor!

I'm sorry for being sarcastic. Go ahead and curse me for being a whiny irritating self-centered bitch. Just for once, let me stop worrying about offending people... let me be a bad person without feeling any sense of guilt...

Cartoon world, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

I have been searching for that perfect world...

I thought every person should have a goal in life, should know what they want, should do what they like. But I guess I'm wrong... sometimes they could be so blinded by what others thought was perfect and overlook little things that could make them happier...

Even better with curry, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

I ate dinner in a Malay stall at Arab Street yesterday. The dishes were all ordered by Miss Yun and my only responsibility was to eat and take lots of pictures. There are more images on my flickr photostream...

Nice spicy food. Definitely a stall to visit again.

Recipe notes, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

I bought a plain notebook from Prints. Hopefully by July next year, it will be filled with lots of baking tips and notes...

And hopefully by then, my life will be as sunny as the orange cover...

Little pink bun, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

Mama went to temple this morning and returned home with these little pink buns. Let me repeat; they are not pink eggs, they are BUNS with lotus seed paste as filling...

I used to love this when I was a little kid, until I came across more choices like Muffins and Cupcakes etc. Nevertheless, I still eat them once in awhile...

Tons of memories...

On a Saturday morning, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

Saturday morning usually means "baking-time" for me. I baked Oreo muffins again, but the taste was not there yet. At least, I encouraged myself, that the texture was right. The next time, it will get better...

I hope...

Chocolate muffins, originally uploaded by CrazyJusty.

I spent the last Saturday at home baking muffins. Needless to say, I failed to make a tasty one, but they do look fine, don't they?

Happy super belated birthday to Le Le!!! Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Miss Fierce, happy birthday to you~ Clap~

The pretty birthday girl...

... and her three drawfs...

Recently I bought a new canon camera. To make my money worthwhile, I snapped almost every interesting snacks and tibits I could get my hands on, and of course that includes the cakes and biscuits I baked during the weekends... here you go... take a look... :)

Went downstair to have brucnh with family just now and I suddenly felt very down when they started talking about further studies and work. I know not having a direction in my life is not the end of the world, but sometimes I'm just so unsure of myself... so unsure of my future...

PMS or depression? I certainly hope it's not the latter...

I can't stop comparing myself to others. Compare about salary, compare about what others have accomplished... All the comparison kept reminded me of how much time I've wasted these three years and how lousy I still am. Worse, I just seems to ignore how others think of me...

Haiz...

Everytime there's a quarrel it was always my fault. I can't remember when had anyone believe that it was someone else fault other than mine. Everytime when I thought things will be better it would always ended up otherwise...

Why do I try so damn hard to patch things up with them when apparently they still hold a grudge?

Why do I feel so damn guilty after quarreling when they are not affected by it at all?

Why can't I be a bad person and stop bothering what others think!?

WHY AM I THINKING SO DAMN MUCH! I wish I could stop...Sometimes I just feel so miserable... so alone...

I don't like people asking about my job...

And I hate people asking about my salary...

Can someone be contented with their job when they are being paid peanuts in comparison to other's of the same age?

Came across this report on google. Totally agreed with what it wrote...

"The first thing people want to do when they get stressed is eat stuff that's bad for them," said Bauer, who counsels Wall Street executives. "But the end result is that they're more stressed out because they're eating something they shouldn't have."

I'm tired. Worked OT for an event today till 9 plus and reached home at 10pm. Events sux, and I don't want to care whether people think my job is fun or not, it's just so stressful to be assigned at the registration table. Apparently, one such friend of mine think there's nothing difficult with handling enquiries from invited VIPs and guest. Does she even understand that there might be complaints and unexpected situation to deal with? Like maybe some unreasonable people might have lost their invitation card but still insist to go in? Worse is when there were several parties/companies involved in the same event, each with their own invited list, and the whole registration area became damn chaotic. Oh ya, and that friend of mine think it's easy to read through and memorise all the event schedules and prodecures when what I touch on during work everyday is something entirely different, not to mention that I'm busy as hell sometimes!

In short, that friend of mine actually made me feel kind of useless and stupid...

Anyway, though I don't think the event is fun, but I do think it's interesting...

Thanks for reading. You guys can go dig your ears now :)

Got tired of asking people out, and was often rejected.

Got tired of finding people on msn, and the only reply I received was a sudden 'offline', 'away' or 'busy' message, as if I'm pestering them.

Got tired of telling jokes, and the atmosphere was still as gloomy.

Got tired of complaining to people, and thinking why am I so whiny.

Got tired of explaining myself, when I know there was no need to...So damn tired...

And that's why I dislike asking people out, I dislike typing repeated "Hihi" to someone who apparently doesn't want to reply me, I dislike being a noisy fellow when someone obviously doesn't appreciate my attempt at jokes, I dislike to be a complain queen whom everyone try to avoid, I dislike trying hard not to be misunderstand but it just make matters worse...

I should add another item to my 'LOATHES' list and that is 'faking MC'. Don't ask me why I still continue doing it even though I really hate the feelings I felt thereafter...

Sometimes, I really wish I can be a bad person and detach myself from the sense of guilt. Maybe, I'm just like a pet who wanted so much to have an approval nod from everyone, anyone whom it path crossed. Yet, I still yearn and choose to do things which I knew will definitely bring about disapproving glance from others. I never learn from my lessons... I'm never contented with what I have... I'm forever dwelling in my own unhappiness, overlooking the vexation I might be causing to family and friends...

How many human beings in this world are as over-sensitive as me...?

Recently, I'm quite surprised that I actually can enjoy shopping alone...

But of course, I still do prefer having the company of friends. It's just that, sometimes when I got so fedup with work, I simply cannot resist getting a tinge bit irritated seeing my shopping kaki stood outside most shops and waited while I obviously am still looking around inside. In that case, honestly, I rather be doing something else which both of us will enjoy, than being conscious of someone else's boredom and quietness. Sometimes, I'd tried to come up with a common topic, only to be shoot down by his/ her short replies...

Perhaps, I'm too sensitive, short tempered, petty. Perhaps, I'm trying to please everyone else and that's why I'm getting more lame...

'Sian'ness can be contagious...

Two questions never to ask the person who date you out, unless he/ she is in a damn good mood:
1. "Why didn't you ask someone else out today?"
2. "Didn't someone else ask you out today?"

If the person already had a date, will he/she still be outside with you now?

MERRY XMAS TO ALL!!!

I think I must be hating my job alot, cause I've been overeating for weeks...and each time after snacking (Sakae sushi, homecooked rice, 2 muffins, tau siar piah, crackers all in a day), I feel lousier instead of better. Spent months jogging to keep healthy, and now I'm destroying those efforts...

My stomach feel like it's going to burst...

Knock me out please!

There, finally uploaded photos from my taiwan trip.
















Wu Jiao Zhuan Pan

Mango flavor Ice cream. Nice...hehe

Snoopyland. Saw me under the umbrella?

Cousin and myself. We are having dinner at one of the restuarant in Kenting. The food sux. Honestly!

Hot chocolate, mango mochi, chocolate cake from their very own cafe, 85 degree C. Abit like our coffeebeans...

Visited the Wen Quan. The one with Jolin in their ads. We didn't get to experience it cause of the tupid big auntie. I thought my phototaking skill was kinda good, managed to capture them jumping with just one try lolx!

Ji Ji train station. Xiaopei mum took this pic, so that would explain why it's abit off....:X

It isn't everyday you can see me so seriously rolling dough!

Shuang shuang guo.

Cold~~~~~ Yang Ming Shan. We were shivering...

To be Continue...

Oh ya, I'm back from Taiwan. Taipei was cooling, temperature between 16 to 24. Trip was fun, except for the shopping part. Though clothes were really cheap, I bought only a bag and a top. I'm not gonna elaborate on it, you guys know why! Toured from Kaosiong, Pingdong, Henting to Tainan, Taizhong and Taipei. We shivered after bathe almost every night lolx!

I actually enjoyed most of the sightseeing, and of course, tasting taiwan snacks!! (Xiao Chi). Our tourguide Ah Bao is a humorous uncle in his late forties. A singapore tourguide named Mark, tall and super muscular with an average look, also went along. I saw him carrying 3 luggages with his two huge arms 0.0 He fell on his butt during the trip, nothing serious, but Ah Bao joked that he felt the ground shook and thought another earthquake was coming. In case anyone wonder whether if there's any youngster in the group, yes! There are 2 guys in their early twenties who partied & clubbed everynite (They asked me to join once) and slept in bus during the day -.-

Here you go, some pictures of the trip...More to come~

There was this event yesterday and all six of us have to be around. The day before, I've been helping to pack notebooks, folders, etc into individual boxes and arranging to have them sent down to cinemas first. I'm responsible for the RSVP of our special invited guests as well. Blasting out e-invite emails, waiting for their RSVP, sending them confirmation reply and consolidating the RSVP list, etc...

My colleague from another department noticed that I was so busy packing for this event, and also for the shifting of our new office, so she offered to lend me her two 16 year-old guy temps for a day. Naturally, I quickly asigned them to help out with the packing of my event stuff and I brief my own temp K to start clearing out our storeroom. I thought I can finally settle down to do my own follow-up work, but the two 16 year-old temps just keep finding me and talking rubbish instead of doing what I asked them to. In the end, I got even busier...

So came yesterday, the official day for our annual trade event. We tried to finish up whatever needed to be done and shared cab to orchard togather. Things went smoothly until my assistant manager realized that there weren't enough folders for all the goodies bags. We are short of 15. What came afterward was a really fierce glance from her. I hailed a cab back to office and rushed back again...

How useless could I get?...And the least I needed was having someone telling me I'm not, it just don't help me to feel any better at all...If you were me, trying so much to not be a blur sotong in vain, how will you feel?

P/S: Thanks yen for hearing my complains and keep responding :-)

Did I mention that I just chopped off my long hair a month ago, to shoulder-length, with lots of layer and the shortest fringe I've ever cut?

Was a little sad at first (Sorry friends for listening to my endless complaints again). But kind of used to it by now, especially after trying out so many different ways of hiding my super-short bangs (Gel, clips, hairbands, headbands, etc). None feel comfortable on my big head except for the thick headbands, which is quite convenient and neat. Recently, I wore it to a relatives gathering. Most of them couldn't recognise me, and then, there were some who thought headbands is ugly, who didn't even hesitate to let me know what's on their mind when I walked pass! Great! Why are there such insensitive relatives on earth who tried and steal whatever self-confidence a person built up?

I complained and I complained and I complained...Non-stop.

My luck just ran out. Glued my mouth. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself...

Thanks ah yun, ah le, ah yen, ah pei for wasting their sms to reply to my never ending whining.

Finally! Finally I could log in to this f**k-up blog...

I felt like crying. For what? I don’t know. Just feel so disappointed, so discouraged, that the only thing I want to do now is to hide under my blanket and cry my heart out. I can’t control my thoughts, can’t stop comparing myself to others. Soon, very soon, my head’s gonna explode. Then maybe I might forget all this shit and be a happy person again…

Sometimes I think I need a psychiatrist…

No, on second thought, I think I need $$ more.