I should add another item to my 'LOATHES' list and that is 'faking MC'. Don't ask me why I still continue doing it even though I really hate the feelings I felt thereafter...

Sometimes, I really wish I can be a bad person and detach myself from the sense of guilt. Maybe, I'm just like a pet who wanted so much to have an approval nod from everyone, anyone whom it path crossed. Yet, I still yearn and choose to do things which I knew will definitely bring about disapproving glance from others. I never learn from my lessons... I'm never contented with what I have... I'm forever dwelling in my own unhappiness, overlooking the vexation I might be causing to family and friends...

How many human beings in this world are as over-sensitive as me...?

Recently, I'm quite surprised that I actually can enjoy shopping alone...

But of course, I still do prefer having the company of friends. It's just that, sometimes when I got so fedup with work, I simply cannot resist getting a tinge bit irritated seeing my shopping kaki stood outside most shops and waited while I obviously am still looking around inside. In that case, honestly, I rather be doing something else which both of us will enjoy, than being conscious of someone else's boredom and quietness. Sometimes, I'd tried to come up with a common topic, only to be shoot down by his/ her short replies...

Perhaps, I'm too sensitive, short tempered, petty. Perhaps, I'm trying to please everyone else and that's why I'm getting more lame...

'Sian'ness can be contagious...

Two questions never to ask the person who date you out, unless he/ she is in a damn good mood:
1. "Why didn't you ask someone else out today?"
2. "Didn't someone else ask you out today?"

If the person already had a date, will he/she still be outside with you now?

MERRY XMAS TO ALL!!!

I think I must be hating my job alot, cause I've been overeating for weeks...and each time after snacking (Sakae sushi, homecooked rice, 2 muffins, tau siar piah, crackers all in a day), I feel lousier instead of better. Spent months jogging to keep healthy, and now I'm destroying those efforts...

My stomach feel like it's going to burst...

Knock me out please!

There, finally uploaded photos from my taiwan trip.
















Wu Jiao Zhuan Pan

Mango flavor Ice cream. Nice...hehe

Snoopyland. Saw me under the umbrella?

Cousin and myself. We are having dinner at one of the restuarant in Kenting. The food sux. Honestly!

Hot chocolate, mango mochi, chocolate cake from their very own cafe, 85 degree C. Abit like our coffeebeans...

Visited the Wen Quan. The one with Jolin in their ads. We didn't get to experience it cause of the tupid big auntie. I thought my phototaking skill was kinda good, managed to capture them jumping with just one try lolx!

Ji Ji train station. Xiaopei mum took this pic, so that would explain why it's abit off....:X

It isn't everyday you can see me so seriously rolling dough!

Shuang shuang guo.

Cold~~~~~ Yang Ming Shan. We were shivering...

To be Continue...

Oh ya, I'm back from Taiwan. Taipei was cooling, temperature between 16 to 24. Trip was fun, except for the shopping part. Though clothes were really cheap, I bought only a bag and a top. I'm not gonna elaborate on it, you guys know why! Toured from Kaosiong, Pingdong, Henting to Tainan, Taizhong and Taipei. We shivered after bathe almost every night lolx!

I actually enjoyed most of the sightseeing, and of course, tasting taiwan snacks!! (Xiao Chi). Our tourguide Ah Bao is a humorous uncle in his late forties. A singapore tourguide named Mark, tall and super muscular with an average look, also went along. I saw him carrying 3 luggages with his two huge arms 0.0 He fell on his butt during the trip, nothing serious, but Ah Bao joked that he felt the ground shook and thought another earthquake was coming. In case anyone wonder whether if there's any youngster in the group, yes! There are 2 guys in their early twenties who partied & clubbed everynite (They asked me to join once) and slept in bus during the day -.-

Here you go, some pictures of the trip...More to come~

There was this event yesterday and all six of us have to be around. The day before, I've been helping to pack notebooks, folders, etc into individual boxes and arranging to have them sent down to cinemas first. I'm responsible for the RSVP of our special invited guests as well. Blasting out e-invite emails, waiting for their RSVP, sending them confirmation reply and consolidating the RSVP list, etc...

My colleague from another department noticed that I was so busy packing for this event, and also for the shifting of our new office, so she offered to lend me her two 16 year-old guy temps for a day. Naturally, I quickly asigned them to help out with the packing of my event stuff and I brief my own temp K to start clearing out our storeroom. I thought I can finally settle down to do my own follow-up work, but the two 16 year-old temps just keep finding me and talking rubbish instead of doing what I asked them to. In the end, I got even busier...

So came yesterday, the official day for our annual trade event. We tried to finish up whatever needed to be done and shared cab to orchard togather. Things went smoothly until my assistant manager realized that there weren't enough folders for all the goodies bags. We are short of 15. What came afterward was a really fierce glance from her. I hailed a cab back to office and rushed back again...

How useless could I get?...And the least I needed was having someone telling me I'm not, it just don't help me to feel any better at all...If you were me, trying so much to not be a blur sotong in vain, how will you feel?

P/S: Thanks yen for hearing my complains and keep responding :-)

Did I mention that I just chopped off my long hair a month ago, to shoulder-length, with lots of layer and the shortest fringe I've ever cut?

Was a little sad at first (Sorry friends for listening to my endless complaints again). But kind of used to it by now, especially after trying out so many different ways of hiding my super-short bangs (Gel, clips, hairbands, headbands, etc). None feel comfortable on my big head except for the thick headbands, which is quite convenient and neat. Recently, I wore it to a relatives gathering. Most of them couldn't recognise me, and then, there were some who thought headbands is ugly, who didn't even hesitate to let me know what's on their mind when I walked pass! Great! Why are there such insensitive relatives on earth who tried and steal whatever self-confidence a person built up?

I complained and I complained and I complained...Non-stop.

My luck just ran out. Glued my mouth. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself...

Thanks ah yun, ah le, ah yen, ah pei for wasting their sms to reply to my never ending whining.

Finally! Finally I could log in to this f**k-up blog...

I felt like crying. For what? I don’t know. Just feel so disappointed, so discouraged, that the only thing I want to do now is to hide under my blanket and cry my heart out. I can’t control my thoughts, can’t stop comparing myself to others. Soon, very soon, my head’s gonna explode. Then maybe I might forget all this shit and be a happy person again…

Sometimes I think I need a psychiatrist…

No, on second thought, I think I need $$ more.

I used to be so happy when friday comes. That means tomorrow is the weekend, that means I can sleep late for two mornings in a row, that means I can enjoy shopping with friends and eat b-lunch with my family...

This was exactly how I was feeling when I just woke up today. I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, changed my clothes, still in a good mood... Until I glanced out of window and saw the drizzling. I hate rainy days. It always make me grey, lonely, moody...

Ah gong is back from the hospital. Tomorrow my relatives are coming by to look after him as he will be needing 24hr care. I guessed my brother will be sleeping in the same room with ah gong at night just in case he woke up and dream-walk again. Kinda tiring, but what else can we do? I think my brother is going to stop his job-hunting for awhile too. Hope that ah gong will recover soon...

Have been working in Cathay for almost 2 months now. Still couldn't click quite well with my 'ang mo' colleagues. Mostly, I just kept to myself during office hour and lunch-in alone. There are times when I so much wanted to tender, partly cause I just couldn't feel the sense of belonging there, and also because the lack of communication between me & them was starting to affect my working performance. Thus, I got scolding so often that I couldn't remember the exact number of times. I'm hanging on now, simply because it's the most interesting job I've had so far. But, for some reason, I knew I wouldn't stay for long...

How can a person work 8hrs mon-fri and not have a single 'friend' to chit-chat with everyday?

Just changed my blogskin. Tired. Going to sleep now. Tomorrow most probably will update new entry.

Good Night.

I hate making choice. Boo.

I felt like trying out again for designing (Provided if I could manage to convince the employer that I'm good, which in actual fact, I'm not). But, another two years of design job might affect the chance of me getting a stable administrative job in future.

This sux.

Suitable Job
- Administrative duties
- Little coordinating work
- 5 days work week
- Off work at 6pm or earlier
- Same salary with previous job or above
- Traveling time within two hours back and fro
- Seldom OT


Am I asking for too much? Perhaps. I'm just a boo boo.

How do people get rid of guiltiness? And who do i feel guilty so often? Pardon me my friends, if you happened to be the one whom I vent my frustration on this two months. Once, I read in Jun Jun blog, telling people not to ask about her lesson cause she believed some people simply asked for the sake of it. She was vexed yea? This situation applied to me as well. Don't ask or comment negatively about me being jobless please. I could deal with three to four of such comments, but as time goes on, i realized I've become very sensitive when people touched on this topic. My temper isn't good to start with, I believed I will explode soon. Try standing in my shoes. If you're reading this and thinking 'She's complaining, not again', well, who doesn't complain when they're upset? Those who don't, might probably be having depression now...


Qns 1: Did you go for any interview?


Qns 2: Did you send any resume today?


Qns 3: Still haven't found a job huh?


Qns 4: Still haven't slack enough huh?


Qns 5: You're jobless now and you're still thinking about buying phones and going tour?


Thanks to Miss Pei for telling her mama this when her mama asked about me "You know what people hate most? It's when others asking whether you have been searching for a job or have found a job, out of concern or not. It's okay to ask me, but you better don't ask her this or she will get irritated. If she've found one, trust me, words will spread"


If you're my close buddy, you should know by now that I've already found a job and will be starting work this coming monday. Wish me luck.

I hate it when people misunderstood me. Yea, and I also know that I shouldn't be bother to explain more because I couldn't change the way of how others think. I believed there are also times when I misunderstood people. From the way someone talk, sometimes what was meant to be simply a friendly advice could ended up like shooting him/her down.


Example 1:


Gal A: Boring shopping here. I want to exercise. I want to swim.
Gal B: Shopping is also a form of exercise.
Gal A: I want to lose weight. Shopping doesn't help one lose weight.
Gal B: Hmm, shopping also help to burn calories but not as much.
Gal A: It don't work for me, and, don't work for you as well. Don't lie to yourself.


Notice how the last sentence could easily be misunderstood.


Example 2:


Gal A: There's one new shopping mall around here.
Gal B: Which?
Gal A: It's new. I didn't know it was here until my friends told me. I don't even know it exist, you confirm don't know. Let's have the fries. Looks yummy.
Gal B: It don't tast that yummy to me now.
Gal A: Don't lie to yourself. You like it as much as I do. Eat it if you wanted to.


Okay. This is another one. Don't assume and make the other person feel foolish, though your intention might be totally harmless.

I guessed alot people, including me, still haven't master the art of good communication. Hoho.

I quit. Here I am, jobless again.

歌曲:Another You
歌手:Cascada

So many times I was alone and couldn’t sleep
You’ve left me drowning in the tears of memory
And ever since you’ve gone I’ve found it hard to breathe
‘Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn’t see
A thousand wasted dreams are rollin’ off my eyes
But time’s been healing me and I say goodbye

‘Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I’ll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
‘Cause someone makes me whole again
For sure
I’ll find another you

Could you imagine someone else is by my side
I’ve been afraid he couldn’t keep myself from falling
My heart was always searching for a place to hide
Could not wait till dawn to bring another day
You’re not the only one, so hear me when I say
The thoughts of you, they just fade away

Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes
You’re still a part of my life

‘But I can breathe again, dream again
I’ll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
‘Cause someone makes me whole again
For sure
I’ll find another you

A stubborn, confused lady living in her own world. Boooo…

Felt like I should so something to make my life much more meaningful. There are just so much dreams I’m afraid to reach out, so much things I’m afraid to even try…

Was it all because of the lacked confidence?

Dare to fall and laugh at yourself

- Quoted from Miss Joey Msn nick

I think my left toes feel funny. It's alright when I'm walking but it hurts while I jog. Win...damn sian

Suddenly, I understand why people got fed up easily when jobless. Probably because they ownself felt useless, that’s why they couldn’t control their mood and throw temper on others. Life is quite contradicting actually. Me, for an example, don’t know what I really want. How many others once felt like this? Or are still feelings like this?

Speaking of my interview this morning, I didn’t go in. I merely walked pass and skimmed the inside. I’m being a real coward when I saw the number of ang mos working there. I left. Then, heading towards the Mrt Station, I called up the person-in-charge and informed her that I’m not coming. I hate myself for whining every now and then when I didn’t even try to help myself, I hate myself for troubling others with my own personal problems when they are already busy with their owns. Just like the darkening of my mood, the skies turn grey too. What a day. I wondered when I could stop acting like a annoying complain queen and move on. Weird thing is, I know I’m being an irritating idiot but still continue it. Recently, someone nagged that I should stop doing stupid things to avoid scolding from others…

I’m noisy only around friends. I talked non stop and made them tired. But, honestly, is there a need to change my way? I thank everyone for their concern and encouragement toward my job interview. I failed terribly yeah. I didn’t even try. PLEASE STOP RAINING!!!

Yo. Finally Miss Yen passed to me my HK trip photos. hehe...






















Their Espirit and Gucci very big norhz











Our accomodation at Metro Park Hotel (Mongkok, Prince edward) wahaha.











Whaha. The mickey mouse MTR...so cute hor...Then, there's the ugly me taken at Disneyland palace. lolx...At night, this place will glow with lights, musics and fireworks.





























Beautiful lolx.
















Don't laugh at me guys. I admit I'm bo liao lolx!!! We are at The peak. Ming xing la xiang guan.




















Whahaha. I'm short and fat beside Mr Andy.










Twins yo.

Forgot to help them deposit money into bank account. They got fed up because the money was not deposit on time to deduct their fee yesterday. They quarreled and scolded that I couldn’t be depend on. Yeah. I thought so too. I’m just a forgetful and lazy idiot. In a situation like this, I really loathe myself. He yelled and reminded me yet again to deposit later. I continued typing this entry without answering him. I’m that bad. Yeah…

A person emailed me to arrange for an interview session with their western boss. Lousy as I always am, now I'm visualising and planning how it would go even though the interviewing date is on next monday. I think maybe I've got the minor social phobia. My chinese is poor, my english is poorer. The more I fear of going, the higher risk that I'm gonna stumble with my words there. I just couldn't stop being scare of...of? of meeting people? whatever. Knocked me out please. If I lost my memory, maybe I would not feel so useless...

07 January 2007

Breakfast:
- Duck rice
- Iced green tea

Lunch:
- Two slices of white bread with curry gravy
- Pear
- One scope of ice cream

Dinner:
- Don't know

06 January 2007

Breakfast:
- Mum cooked dish

Lunch:
- Long john silver
- Iced lemon tea

Dinner:
- Peach bubble tea
- Fried dumpling

Mum nagged that i had on a "too-too" mouth. Why? Was it because I'm not laughing that's why she thought I'm difficult and proud? I'm beginning to worry that as my face get rounder, the so called "too-too" mouth will be more obvious at times. Even my parents and brothers don't like me, then who else will be? This is so depressing ya? Enough thinking. Let me bang my mouth against the wall...Let me bang till it becomes flatter...Then I shall continue banging my whole body against the wall to become thinner since reducing calories intake and exercising doesn't help...

05 January 2007

Breakfast:
- Duck rice
- Iced green tea

Lunch:
- Two bananas
- Two small pieces of chocolate

Dinner:
- Strawberry desert
- Popcorn

03 January 2007:

Breakfast
- Half piece of ba gua
- Two small cubes of chocolate

Lunch
- Fried vegetarian bee hoon
- Iced green tea

Dinner
- Salad bar at Sizzler
- Iced water

04 January 2007:

Breakfast
- Half piece of ba gua
- Water melon

Lunch
- Tom yam mee hoon kuay
- Ice lemon tea

Dinner
- Soya bean curd
- Roasted chicken sandwiches

My 21st birthday is over. So fast. haha. Thanks Cousin for her Levi voucher and Dim sum treat on sunday. The earliest birthday present and wishes I've received this year. I haven't thought of what to buy with the voucher yet. I shall keep it until I thin down whahaa. Dreaming lolx. I should slap myself awake. Also, thanks her for staying up late on wednesday night and be the first to sms me...

My pretty pretty buddy Miss Chuin chuin dropped by on thursday morning with a strawberry short cake and christmas present whahaha. Actually she intended to give me a surprise but my big mouth Mum already told me on tuesday that she would be coming lolx. Ya, had no trouble remembering it cause Mum kept repeating till I had it memorized in my head "You're lucky to have this kind of friend. The rain poured heavily and still she came twice to my stall" The next sentence always made me laugh "Don't tell her I tell you she's coming because she tell me not to tell you she's coming" hahaha. Funny. Really touched norhz. After cutting the cake we sat around to chit chat. I think she somehow fell for my po-po soft toy (Kapo and Hippo) because her skeleton fingers just couldn't stop touching them. It's KAPO Miss Chuin, not kappo. haha! Thanks for what you've done whaha. Muackssssssssssssssssssssssssss. The cake was nice, and so was the belt okay? hehe...Strawberries are as sweet as me...











Pretty Miss Chuin and Ugly Miss Zhen hehe...at my home. I just woke up wor.



Yen went shopping with me on wednesday evening and dine at Sakae Sushi. We watched 'night at the musenum'. Very entertaining movie! hahaha. Before entering the cinemas, she brought me a christmas log cake in replace for birthday cake lolx. Thanks my cutie buddy k! lolx (Don't bang your head into the ceiling, you will have a hard time pulling it out) whahaha. I hoped she will like the christmas present norhz...

Pretty Cloud Miss Yun brought de mango cake from four leaves tasted super nice lolx! yum yum. There is a layer of mango pudding on top. Thanks for her accompany on thursday k! hehe. Oh ya, she did a Mr Jack birthday card for me. Very cute. Lucky Mr Jack'S wife is not inside or else me gonna burn it whahahaha! Kidding. Also, she 'stole' her Mum threads to tie up the chocolates. So coincidently the threads were in black and white colours whahaha. 'Eragon' was not bad, but the storyline progress kinda quickly...

On thursday night my ex company colleagues called my mobile to wish me happy birthday. haha happy. Thanks to you guys and those who sms me. I forgot if I replied or not to the smses. hahaha I so bad. Muack Muack~

Thanks mama. Muack~ Gonna treasure and wear that necklace~

Went vivocity with Pei, her sister and her friend. She said she wanna treat me eat dim sum last week for my early birthday treat. Woke up at 9.10am and meet her at the bus stop near our house. Then she suddenly gave me levi voucher as birthday present ahhhh. My fav hehehe! I opened and saw $50 inside. Then after eating and shopping I realized actually there was another $50 behind the first piece. I don't know what else to say except looking at her with big big eyes! lolx Really very surprised wor! Thanks so much!!! I didn't expect her to buy for me present since she is treating for dim sum! I'm sorry that I didn't buy for her anything during her birthday except paying for her photographs. Gonna be so guilty. Xie xie ni~~~~~~

P brought a silver hair clip and angie the choice mango cake (They kept saying the cartoon face looked alot like me). She also share present togather with another four colleagues to buy a huge hippo soft toy for me. Did they realize that actually the price tag are still attached to it? It was in Euro 64.95 (which is around $118) and there were only five people sharing. I'm a cheapo so I thought this was so expensive. Very pai seh to accept but I like it. Yaya. I'm childish. It was so soft to HUG! lolx. Then, they treat me eat Pizza Hut. It's was a pretty touching farewell party. hehe. No matter how much I always complained about this company, I still would like to thank all for them for giving me two happy advance birthday celebration (One is last year). New admin gave me a cute xmas decor. They sang happy birthday song for me (In english, chinese and cantonese) and my 'flip newspaper' boss came in to took my photo using his mobile. So cute ar him hahaha. We spent two and a half hour for lunch. Zhen de hen xie xie ta men. P held my palm and said "wo zhen de she bu de ni. Ni bu ke yi wang ji wo k. Will you miss me anot? I know you won't la. You heartless girl! Call me ar!". New admin slap my leg and said the same thing. Just before I went home, they each gave me a hug, wished me good luck, and then for a second I felt like crying (I didn't la). lolx. I'm not a crybaby k! But then I also don't know why I felt quite touched lo. haha. I didn't know they will be celebrating for me until this morning, didn't know even boss would come in and sing birthday song. Thanks them for still treating me well on my last day, making it quite a memorable one. hoho.











Colleagues from another company Pei Juan, Yvonne and Canie












Colleagues of mine hehehe. Chuah, WWjie, Isreen, Bernice, P

Haha. Guess what? It's my last day of work. lolx. I knew I would be very sad after becoming jobless, but now I'm so relieve to leave here! lolx. I'm a bad lazy girl. I brought the handphone pouch for my colleagues early this morning. One for the new admin as well. Hope they would like it norhz. Surprised surprised, new admin gave me a early xmas present also. So touched. I haven't unwrap it, bu she de unwrap it lolx. Then, I passed the cake towel to P. She thought it's real and she asked me not to go for lunch later as she already brought a cake for me. It is for celebrating my birthday in advance. ahhh. Thanks so much. Really appreciated their "xin yi" lolx!

Thanks so much to Miss Chuin also. So touched yo. She asked if my birthday and the day before anyone ask me out, in case I'm alone. Xie xie ni miss chuin~ haha~ Don't muack you later you think I les. I go muack my mama whahahaha

We were having lunch. WWjie pointed to the new girl, saying how good it is to be born thin and tall. Those ladies could wear whatever they like and still looking nice. The new admin then said she is not thin actually. I ate my mee quietly, feeling kinda awkward. I was praying they don't comment anything on my weight. But, sianly, WWjie said something again...

WWjie: She is not thin. I looked at her liao. Actually she got alot of meat on her hip.

Okay. Win. Gave her the suaning award and don't talk to me! As if I don't know I'm fat she found a need to keep reminding me. I eat lesser and I went jogging but none seems to help ma. It's not that I don't know I'm gaining weight and did nothing ma. boo boo. People who have never been shoot these hurting words don;t know how it felt like. Really very demoralize lo

People told me I'm not vain. Then, i start to wonder what does vain means? This is what i found from the net...

Vain - It means caring only about yourself, your looks and thinking everything is about you...

E.G. - you are standing in a group, someone comes up and says "oh you are so beautiful" - he means the girl next to you, but you assume that it must be about you, and your chest puffs up...coz you're vain.

E.G. - there is a dinner and a lot of ppl are going, wearing nice but normal clothes, you cannot bear to just be ordinary, you spend hours and hours getting dressed, so you will be noticeable and ppl will admire you...coz you're vain.

Vain ppl keep looking in the mirror and admiring themselves and keep raving about their own accomplishments and think they are the best thing in the whole world.The difference between a self-confident person and a vain person is that the vain person irritates everyone and gets on their nerves, but a self-confident person only inspires and ppl enjoy their company...

Why didn't she listen to what I said? Told her not to buy that since I wouldn't wear it yet she went ahead. I felt like screaming! ahhhh! It's so expensive and it's not even what I like. I felt like nagging at her but couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel so bad! She complained about having not enough money, then why couldn't she save up and don't buy me anything. Honestly, all I want from her this year is just a birthday cake (She gave me none except when I'm in primary three or four) and a small hongbao. I feel so much like crying now. Help? Tell me how can I stop feeling so bad for the money she spent?

E could be quite funny sometimes, though he is always pressing me for the posters. He asked me if I've done his work and I shook my head. Then, he closed my door and said "Like that I'd have to lock you up liao". diaoz right. I noticed that there are still many others who like to crack lame jokes, not only me and my group of friends.

Not here not there not anywhere. Where am I? I felt fat and ugly. I felt stress. I think before long I will have depression...

Insensitive words by guys:
1. You fat fat liao.
2. You're eating these? Eating cakes and sweet stuff makes you fat.
3. Try wearing this massage shoes la, then you can slim down.
4. You think every girls like you so stupid and timid?
5. You study designs mehz? You don't look like lehz.
6. Change your dressing style lahz. So boring.
7. You should do something to your hair.
8. Why you always wear till like that?
9. You don't like to wear fashion stuff?

I went jogging with Miss Chuin. Boo Boo. Saded. I'm so lousy. I shall train more and run further.

Miss Chuin asked me to do out a Christmas Wishlist so others would know what to buy for me.

1. A white Belt I saw at Cineleisure push cart.
2. A small small bag from Myphosis.
3. Acessories from Topshop. (Other stores also can)

That's all I could think of right now. Lolx. I think these items are within the budget yo.

I hate L from Death Note. Why? Because he could eat plenty of sweety junk food without getting fat.

I wore a jeans I brought two years ago. In office, I sat down and my fats became so obvious. I'm dead. I must have been consuming a lorry of oily junk food...

My 21st birthday wish list:
1. Lose 10kg weight, remove mole, be pretty and stylish. (I'm Dreaming)
2. Gain confidence and be bold.
3. Found better job, earn more and lesser quarrels with family.
4. All families and friends of mine stay happy and healthy.
5. Alot but I forgot.

My jobless To-Do list:
1. Spend a jolly 21st birthday.
2. Clear my dressing drawers, my cupboard, my shelves etc.
3. Apply for Debit card.
3. Probably have a hair cut.
4. Change a new mobile phone.
5. Do things which I didn't have time to do during work.

I looked into the mirror and saw a pig staring back. So, I went to take my skipping rope. Not more than 2 minutes, my brother returned home. That's it. I couldn't skip. I shall go bang wall.

I watched the Tv about 'New York Skin Solutions', 'London Weight Management' and 'Yun Nam Haircare' just now. Then, it reminded me yet again of removing my moles. So, today being a super boring sunday, I went surfing through net to find the meanings of moles...Kinda interesting yo...here it goes...


MOLES ON THE BODY
1. Throat - An artistic temperament, successful.
2. Chest - Lazy, unsteady, quarrelsome, financially unsound.
3. Breast (right) - Indolent, intemperate.
4. Breast (left)-Active, energetic.
5. Nipple - Fickle and unfaithful.
6. Ribs (right) - Insensitive, cowardly.
7. Ribs (left) - Lazy, humorous.
8. Hips - Resourceful, valiant and over-amorous.
9. Leg (right) - Energetic and preserving.
10. Leg (left) - Lazy.
11. Ankle - A sharing nature, a sense of humor.
12. Heel - Mentally and physically active. Should beware of making enemies.
13. Foot (right) - Loves traveling.
14. Foot (left) - Thoughtful and gloomy; prefers a sedentary life.
15. Neck - Many ups and downs. Should be frugal.
16. Shoulder blades - Unhappiness.
17. Shoulder (left) - Easily satisfied.
18. Shoulder (right) - Prudent discreet, faithful and restless.
19. Wrist or hand (right) - Frugal, successful in business.
20. Wrist or hand (left) - Ingenious, artistic.
21. Finger - Dishonest, prone to exaggerate, unable to face reality.
22. Back - Frank with an inquiring mind. Should be cautious.
23. Buttocks - Total lack of ambition.


MOLES ON THE FACE
1. Mole on the left temple indicates a tendency to be spendthrift and horsetrong. The person should try to live a quiet life.
2. Mole on the right temple indicates exceptional ability. The person should guard against illness in later life.
3. Mole on or near the eyebrows belongs to preserving person who is happy in marriage. This person bewares of lightening and food poisoning.
4. Mole on or near the corner of the eye. An honest and forthright person who needs to be loved. 5. Mole on inside and outside of the ear. The person has wealth and fame but tends to be reckless.
6. Mole on the left cheek. A serious, studious and struggling person.
7. Moles on the right cheek promise a successful life after marriage.
8. Mole on the upper side of the nose denotes lust and extravagance.
9. Moles on the left side of the nose (middle) indicate a changeable nature. An untrustworthy but lucky person who should be bewares of falls.
10. Moles on the right side of the nose (middle) shows a great traveling urge, an outdoor occupation involve plenty of movement.
11. Mole on the lips signifies greed but benevolence.
12. Mole on the lower lips shows a quiet and studious nature. Good fortune is indicated in later life.
13. Moles on the chin show conscientious, common sense and artistic ability. These people make the best of any opportunities and improve a lot with age.


Lolx. Apparently my mole on left cheek and right side of nose are both bad!!!!1 lolx..i shall have it remove if possible..blehz

Everyone seems to be so busy doing work. Except me! I'm bored! Okay. I couldn't force people to entertain me online just because I'm bored to tears. So, I'm gotta entertain myself. Actually I've some designing to do, but am too lazy to start. I'm a lazy bum. lalala. My last day is on the 15th of Dec!!! yeah~ Then, I can happily enjoy my birthday and christmas before finding a new job. Crazy of me to think this way. Mama always told me there are plenty of people out there who are jobless and I don't know how fortunate I am. ya ya. Change the phrase please. Tell me something more creative. Boo. I'm a shitty gal hahaha.

Wei! friends!!! My birthday coming soon hor! Remember hor! No presents at least send a message! booo! Don't be so heartless. I will hang pig head on your door step, then those who forgot me shall remember me forever. hoho. I'm gonna update my timetable here as well, in case I'm the one who forgot who meet me...whahaha

9th - GY

20th - GY (Xmas budget $20)

21th - Yun

22th - Poly friends (Xmas budget $10)

23th - Miss Chuin and SZ (Xmas budget $15)

If anyone of you want to pang seh me, must let me know earlier wor!!!! Byebye the sailor man~

Okay. P kept calling me "xiao xi fu" when she see my hair...and she said why I clip until so cute. I took it that cute meant 'funny'. lalala. Funny mehz? boo boo. Then she asked me wanna grow long hair izit. She suggested me go perm. Perm...PERM...can't see she see that my face is so round, just like my body. lolx. Okay..nth..it's just a comment by her lalala.

This morning i'm very sad. I woke up and my hair is very messy, then I brushed my teeth and changed. I looked fat in almost every outfit. So, I finally decided to clip my hair into a bun and just wear jeans plus a plain white T-shirt. It's my bad day today. boo. I wondered what some of my colleagues would say later. They like to comment on my dressing and hair de. lolx! They meant no harm la, but sometimes they're too frank. I've got no confident in myself, how? Bang wall. Yesterday went to Marina square with Miss Y. So sian. Shop till sian. lolx. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Some people are just so good at changing face. Should go for the "Bian nian" competition in China. Probably would stand a chance to win champion. BOO. She told me not to scare the new girl away...we've been interviewing again and again because all the new colleague quit after a day or two...I think she is the one who are frightening them off. Look at those big shitty eyes. Listen to her sarcastic words. Tell me, which normal human being couldn't go for a better job. It's not like they gave high salary or good benefits. Okay. I admit I'm one of the dumb ass who didn't leave blah. I remembered she used to treat me like this too...

The new girl is afraid of her...Every new girls are...lalala. Not to forget almost every of our existing colleagues are too! What does that say about her, that she makes one lousy superior who couldn't click with any of her staff. yaya. Right! And she is an hypocrite. lalala. Yaya...work is full of hypocrite but not one as lousy as her. She couldn't even fake well...bahz

Promised Miss Chuin that I would update today. I kept my word! lolx. Casino Royale was nice. Charming man and charming lady. Lots of action. wahha. I didn't find Daniel Craig good-looking at first, but change my opinion after watching it. He is very tough and macho inside the movie. I think I'm becoming a 'hua chi'. lolx. Did I also mention that I watched Step up? It was another good one. Great dance moves and hot guys! Erm...I think his name is Channing Tatum. Wor~

It's a friday! lolx. I guilty now that I didn't accompany Miss jun today. Sorry~ lolx...Poor her got an insensitive boyfriend who didn't want to accompany her when she is alone. I shall help curse him in my dreams tonight and he would have a swollen ear in the morning. Okay. Miss Chuin. Here it goes. What kind of man I dislike...I dislike irresponsible, indecisive, self-centered, petty, immature, ungentlemanly man. Example: Those who couldn't make up their mind, who took such a long period to think but still couldn't come up with a decision, especially whether they truely like a girl or not. Those who are always talking big about themselves and how important they are. Those who make a lizard sound instead of apologizing after knocking into a woman. Those who didn't spare a thought for girls, saying insensitive stuff. Etc. lolx. Okay. I admit I am a difficult woman. I sux too. lolx!!!

This world is full of strange and CRAZY people. A guy called the office to enquire about our newspaper ad job vacanies. He asked "Are you looking for male candidates?" I told him we are looking for female staff. He don't seems to get it so I repeated that sentence again. What the hell...he scolded "F**k You lah" and hung up on me....Mister have I done anything wrong. Blame it on yourself for not being a woman!!! I'm sure my attitude was fine. Blah. WEIRD PEOPLE ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

I went jogging with Miss pei yesterday. She told me something really disgusting, which kept me laughing even after we started to jog. hahaha...Sunday Pei took non-aircon bus 265 home, and the bus was full of shit. Yeah. It's shit, wasn't certain if it's from pet or human but it's shit. There's a puddle of shit near the door, and it trailed along the floor towards the end. Then, there's another big puddle of shit. Pei kept breathe out of the window because it's too smelly. Others did the same as well. Only the driver acted like nothing happened. Pei said he should have stopped the passengers from broading the bus. But i wondered how could he stop...I couldn't imagine him opening the door and shouted "Sorry. This bus is full of shit. Take the next one' or 'There's shit on this bus, come up if you could take that smell"...That would be kinda funny right and i doubt no one would believe until they have seen it themselves lor...dots...

That stupid man didn't deliver newspaper to us again. This is the...what...4th or 5th time. Boo. P asked me why don't have cause I open the letterbox daily...Why? Ya why? How do I know why...weird question. If I know why I wouldn't be working here liao~ Does she expect me to say 'It's a public holiday today so there's no newspaper'?. Obviously it's because the person forgot to deliver~~~~~~ Why...why is people asking question when the answer is so obvious. This reminded me of when I'm eating Wan Ton mee...and a friend of my mum saw and yet asked me "what are you eating?"...-.-.-.- What? Do i look like I'm eating chicken rice! weird weird weird...

Don't know who else will be reading this entry. I'm tired of this. And maybe because I'm tired of all her persuation, I don't hold my decision so firmly anymore. I noticed I don't take long hours of my night to consider things like how I used to, I don't go around asking for friend's opinion on msn so much now. For the more comments I received (positive or negative), the harder it will be to make up my mind. This was good. I would live happier. I would have lesser depressing stuff to deal with. Sometimes, I could relaxed and slack in office without feeling guilty...There's a chinese saying 'Kan po liao' (Erm...direct translate...'see torn aready'? haha. I'm still lame)

Miss P asked for my help. She claimed this was the last time (She always did). She had employed a lady who will be starting work tomorrow, but the lady had to go on leave from 25th of November to 8th of december since she had booked air ticket to tour Australia (Others who came for interview are weird people. I saw :x). So coincidently, my last day is on the 31st of November while P own leave is from 5th to 8th of November. Anyhow, in between there would be a week gap whereby neither P nor new lady are in. P hoped I could be here during that period (15th of December last day). I looked at her and gave a unwilling face. I guessed I am slightly pissed off with her, even though I had a smile on my lips then. So I told her I've helped her so much, how could she expect me to stay longer? Didn't she mentioned it will be the last time she asked me to stay previously? and what if I need to go for interview or attend urgent matter? What happen if this lady quit before me?...I forgot what else I said...

Okay. So she promised me she wouldn't ask me to stay anymore if the new lady tendered. This shall be the last time. She would do the work herself and hire a temp. She would allow me to go for any interview from tomorrow onwards during office hour (Tell her a day in advance) and wouldn't deduct my pay. I thought I have nothing to lose. I could rest till after my birthday to find in January and there will be better job opportunity since people are probably tendering after getting bonus. I agreed. I knew she must be feeling super sianed that she got to compromise so much...BLAH BLAH...I don't care...

Miss Yun, this is the name of the artist who act in Death Note as L - kenichi matsuyama.

It's a boring friday. Nobody is on msn to chat with me! I envy those who knock off at 5.30...so good norhz...but then not forgetting they start work earlier than me. I've been repeating Lee hom ' Yong yuan de di yi tian' over and over again, too lazy to change songs...I'm a pig...

Chatted with Ms Chuin about her younger sister. She wrote a email for her mei (Didn't know Ms Chuin could be such a good sister wor hehe). This part is written specially for Ms chuin whaha. Don't be so vexed by her attitude ya? I don't know much about the actual problem existing between her and your family. Probably you could start by trying to talk to her patiently, like how I sometimes listen to my brother advices? I understand that parents/slibings nag because of worries, but too much nagging worsen things. I am really upset whenever I quarrel with them, and every time it not only makes me angry, it makes me feel pretty useless. It felt like nobody, even my closest kin, bother to understand me. I remembered they kept telling me 'In times of trouble, friends might abadon you but family will always be there', and I wondered why weren't they be there for me at that rough moment. When a person get angrys they tend to not seeing things clearly. hoho. That's how some families fell apart? hehe..I'm not sure if reading this helps...just my own point of view ya?

I've watched the 'covenant' or 'convenant'. Except for the few not-bad-looking guys inside, I thought the movie was pretty boring towards the end. Their power was simply throwing bubble-like balls and flying around dodging others bubble-like balls. They talked alot. They kissed alot. Bascially they kissed and talked more than they fought. It wasn't really a bad show, it's just that it didn't exactly fit what I've expected. Okay. If you guys wanna catch it, I would suggest watching it during the weekdays. But then, this was only my opinion, it doesn't apply to all right? hehe...

Next I shall watch Step up, which is a movie about dancing. Probably tomorrow I could watch it with Ms Yun. Hope it wouldn't disappoint me...

I wondered just how many out there got the same problem as me. That is being too self-conscious of oneself. Here is what I've came across from the net...

Self Consciousness In Action:
You're standing with a group of friends, happily chatting away, the conversation going along nicely. Then someone says to you, "John, you're good at that, why don't you tell us how you do it?"And Bang!, the way you feel changes completely. It's as if a spotlight has been turned on you and the rest of the room lights dimmed. All of a sudden, your cheerful, easygoing nature of 10 seconds ago is nowhere to be found! What happened?Well basically, your focus of attention has shifted to yourself, otherwise known as self consciousness. You may also have received a shot of adrenaline as a stress response.

I often feel like this. Like when a topic is thrown on me by strangers or not-so-close people, I will be tongue-tied. Boss sometimes would bring me along to meet his cilents and associates. I dragged going there because I wouldn't know what to say when their focuses were on me, especially when I'm in a room with group of experienced businessmans/ professionals. Really envy those who could speak so well no matter in what occasion. I loathed to engage in a meeting too, but it's not something which i could avoid right? haha...

I'm going to watch 'The Convenant' later. Happy. Hope it's nice. Saw Ms chuin and her family photographs in her blog, so pretty wor. whaha...

Recently there is this malaysian guy who took my hp number and msn contacts through my colleagues. Got quite tired of answering him cause he kept on repeating the same questions. Blahz...zzzzz

1. Hihi. How are you?
2. Are you busy?
3. Any plans tonight?
4. Where are you going? Can I join?
5. Have you reach home?
6. Can I sms you to chat tonight?

Hahaha. I admit I am quite a impatient and cold-blooded girl...

Two colleagues of mine celebrated their birthday yesterday. Went to 'teahouse' at china square to eat their dinner buffet. Nice. haha... This morning everyone asked me "Isn't yesterday your last day?" I told them I will be working till end of november to help P. They then said "I think you should work till end of this year. You work till end of november no bonus bo hua". I didn't explain more about the agreement between me and P. Now I'm considering whether i should if the next person ask again...I got a feeling they thought I'm stupid or something to throw away that one year bonus...

I'm super bored and sianed when i came into office earlier. OMG. I think I'm regretting for staying....

I'm a indecisive coward...

A colleague did personality test for me using my Han Yu Pin Yin name. Kinda true haha. I have two Han Yu Pin Yin surname so I don't know which one is for me...I think it's 'Ju zi'...

Why am I always sia suaing myself. Went to buy the-O from Coffee shop. I told the uncle "The-O da bao". He mumbled don't know what shit and kept glancing at me. I ignored him and he turned to his wife to mumble again then both looked at me and laughed happily to their own joke. IDIOT. After that, I went to a cake shop to buy bread. Again, the auntie gave me a teasing stare. What the hell is wrong today. kns kns kns. I'm not sensitive, they are acting just so weird. Do i look stupid or what!

They were teasing J again, our store man. They said he owns a large land in Malaysia and so decided to visit his home over the weekend for a holiday. J face changed and shook his head "I don't have enough food for u all". What the? We are only joking yo. hahahaha. He is very serious. I remembered once B bluff him about treating us for sushi dinner, he too became nervous and said "I didn't bring money out" hahaha! bth.

I’m super sleepy now. Lolx. Yesterday went to watch death Note. Not bad but there's no ending. Think have to follow up on their part two. Hehe.

These days I have plenty of time to write my blog. I'm bored in office, and equally bored at home. After the computer broke down, I realized just how much I relied on it to kill my boredom when I'm free. How coincidence that it went down right before the last few weeks of my working day. I shall upload pictures of my Hong Kong trip once I get it repaired. Recently, here came super lame colleague. He sat beside me and always talks crap...

In the morning, I was chatting with Ms Chuin on msn. This funny man turned and asked me "Hi. Are you P?"

I minimized the window "Erm. P is the one sitting inside. I'm HZ"

"Oh. Ok. Now I know" He nodded and pointed to my computer screen "Then what's your friend name?"

He was referring to the blinking msn window. Very dots.

In the afternoon, I was doing some data entries. He stared at the calendar "Can you do me a favour?"

He looked quite serious so I asked "What? I see if I can help"

"It's important. You must help me”

"Ar huh?"

Still eyeing the calendar, he said "Can you help me shift the deevapli to Friday?"

I think he is too stressed up and eat crab last night. Lolx. Rubbish.

I am really 'Freaking" bored. Guys, please don't laugh when I told you my childhood ambition is to be a fashion designer, particulary in wedding gowns. However, I aslo agreed that I doesn't have a great fashion sense and doesn't have my own unique dressing style so I'm afraid of studying it. haha. Weird me. Beside that, I too have interest in hair styling, script writing, wedding planning and alittle of graphics/ jewelry designing...Surprised surprised? lolx! Ok...which of the above suits me...erm...

Orh…I'm back from Hong Kong for almost a week by now. Brought nothing except food. I can't upload the photo to my blog because my home PC broke down. I presumed it was something to do with the spoilt hard disk since whenever I tried to reformat it, a error code 'Cannot detect the hard disk' appeared. Yesterday, I decided that I'm really too bored so I went to the vcd rental shop. I asked for the Korea drama 'Gong-Ye man wang fei" but it was all rented out. So "sway". I couldn't update my blog these few days too. So basically I ate and slept, ate and slept . Don't be surprised if you noticed me getting fatter...

I'm counting down to my last day in this company. A new assistant came on Monday and quit yesterday. Reason being, she recently suffers from depression and ops (Don't know what that is. Another form of mental illness perhaps" so she couldn't cope with the stress here. Nobody knows how true that is, but she is really quiet. Anyway, P and E talked to me again. She knew I've interest in graphics, thus wanted to offer me their designer position and remove my administrative work. The salary would be the same of course, just that I do not have to touch on admin anymore. My decision wavered (Slap me please). I thought It is a good opportunity for me...I'm considering... I doubt I will stay in the end…

Why am I always bothering others with my resignation. Guys, I'm sorry. People are always telling me how they would handle my situation differently, that they would play it cool and quit no matter what. It struck me as I'm real useless. I think a part of me still felt guilty. (Yeah, called me crazy. L once said 'Why care so much since you'releaving). I'm not siding anyone, not my boss, not P, and certainly not this company, but they have given me what I've requested for after i promised to stay on March. I thought for quite some time and decided that it was only fair for me to do my best till the last day of work, and to help them out for another two weeks. No offense here, really, but friends, don't tell me "You so xin ruan. Since you think the they treat you ok, then don't resign lo...stay lo...". Please don't make me feel any worse than how i already am. There's this chinese saying "Ren qing shi gu"...I hope I did this correctly...

Y: I'm happy for you. Find one which you think could provide opportunity for you to learn lots of things. Then, your experience and salary would increase too. I wish you all the best. But remember, yao wei zi ji liu xia yi tiao hou lu. You wouldn't know when you might need P or boss help again. Jiayou ba"

Thanks Y for the encouragment...

I was discussing with Ms Chuin about my 'xia sua' incident. Then, we somehow changed to the topic of mole removal. I wanted to remove a mole on my left cheek and she wanted to remove one on her chin. Now I’m searching where and how much I could have it removed. I heard that scars might look much more obvious than the mole itself so this kinda scared me into thinking twice again. Yen said i should go check whether it's good or bad before removing as my luck might become worse instead of better. Erm, anyhow, I did read from one emails that mole on cheek could improve a person social life. But still, it looked ugly on me and ever since I'm in primary school i have been wanting to get rid of it. Hope it will help to boost up my confident after removing it. If anyone of you happen to have any places to recommend, kindly let me know. Thanks a lot.

I asked Yen if reading my blog make people upset, cause there's always depressing entries. She told me to blog whatever I want and don't care about what others think of me after reading it...haha

I guessed lots of friends thought I'm cheerful during sec school. I'm always laughing to myself. They are probably wondering why I've change so much in terms of personality ever since I graduated. I became so negative. Honestly speaking, I didn't change at all. I'm still the same pessimistic girl who are so conscious of her own looks, I still care about how others think. In the past, I was afraid of letting them know how their comments hurt my feeling. I used to type out whatever things I'm unhappy about in notepad and deleted away after that. Some people shouted to vent their frustration, while others have their own ways to make themselves feel better (Eat, cry or exercise etc). Mine, is to type it out.

So, now you guys understand why my entries are depressing. This blog served as a method to release whatever frustration I'm having lolx.

Things a guy should not do if he likes a girl he just met...

1. Don't keep watching her as if you're waiting to see her stumbles and falls.

2. Don't mention anything about her heavy weight, she's gonna remember that.

3. Don't act intimate with her, it will irritates her.

4. Don't just pick up her fork to use, that is disgusting.

5. Don't ask her to share food with you, that is equally disgusting. You and her aren't that close.

6. Don't ask her to speak up when she's quiet. You should think of a topic yourself.

7. Don't joke with others about how she is angry with what you said when she still didn't talk.

8. Don't widen your eyes and comment about the type of fatty dessert she chose. You probably hurt her feelings.

9. Don't ask her out for a second date so soon when she already gives you the cold shoulder.

All the above mentioned are from my own point of view. Hoho

Yesterday Y was so pretty in her wedding gown. Felt envy and happy for her. E jokingly said "Y, I'm so heartbroken tonight. Come, give me a hug please?" and Y answered "You want a hug? Sure I can give you that. But did you see that guy in the tux over there? I'm afraid he will punch you later" lolx. We laughed out loud. Her husband was very charming too.

I took alot of photographs and I chatted alot of my ex colleagues. It was like a big gathering. Orh yes, I took a picture with the guy who, afew months ago, wanted my handphone number and with a guy technician who had quit from his job recently. He asked me out after dinner, but I lied and said I'm going out with my friends. Since I don't feel comfortable with him kept watching me at the table, I think I shall reject his date.

About the guy who wanted my handphone number in the past...Below is what his colleagues told me...(I removed the names)

C says:
no lah.. T send me back..

C says:
C & A later than me..

-=justy=-"..." says:
Oic

-=justy=-"..." says:
ytd take pic with me de is A ar

C says:
ya loh..

Candy says:
he like u leh..

Candy says:
can give him chance?

Candy says:
haha..

Candy says:
last time he wanna woo you lah..

I don't quite believe in this. How does a person grew to like me when they don't even know what type of person I am...yea...bullshit

Early morning today, B was using the design computer. P asked me to help her print photos which she had already sent to my email, so I took over the computer. B didn't closed his thumbdrive folder and I saw something I supposed he wouldn't want to be read by anyone...

That was his Resumes and CVs, dated from september 2005 to August 2006. Out of curiorsity and KPOness, I opened one of the files. I'm not surprised. I think eveyone here are just waiting for an opportunity to leave. Honestly, I've been feeling slightly down during the weekends. I heard people asking if I've found a job and said I'm crazy when I replied a No. But, strangely, I felt relieved after knowing WWJ and B have also thought of quiting...

Can someone just encouraged me? Tell me "Hz. It's okay to quit if you really dislike your job. You're still young. Take a break and rest a few w weeks then start all over again. Maybe that will give you more motivation to work". I would appreciated it very much... Please don't look at me with widened eyes and said "You think finding a job isa easytask ah? Still rest, plenty of people out there are jobless"

Colleague passed me her wedding invitation card. It's self-made and printed, not exactly beautiful and nice but from her cheerful smile I saw something which I am still searching in my life, Happiness. I sincerely felt happy for her. She's one of those who clicked with me in this office, one of those who gave me advice and encouragment, even though she's from another company. Don't know whether she will be missing me after I left, I think i might be haha. Anyway, she and her boyfriend have been dating for 8 years...that's a long relationship...hereby, wish her happy and xing fu always~~~~

Friday entries:

I tendered my resignation letter this morning. Ms Fake was surprised and asked me why. I told her it was solely because of my own personal reasons, that I would like to have a change of environment, location and working hours. She don't buy it. She insisted that if i really wanted so much to quit, then i should at least let her understand the truth. How am i supposed to start about it? That i hate this company for being so calculative, that i dislike the sarcastic attitude of my incharge and most colleagues? Maybe if i blurt out , she will be furious enough to sack me and save me the trouble of cracking my already stupid brain for crappy excuses , rather than kept persuading me to try for another six months. haha ...

Ms Fake: why not you stay for just another one to two months, maybe by then when you are more settled, you will change your mind? From a friend point of view, I agree that you should see and learn more in differnt jobs while you're still young... But don't you think your time here is quite short? Why be so rush to decide this? It's just a few months ago when you chose to stay...

Me: I've been thinking of this for quite some time. And i really wish to look out for other jobs. (Looked at her and then i covered my eyes) I don't want to look at your face. I don't know what to say...

Ok, my sentence sort of ease that tense moment for awhile. Both of us laughed...

Ms Fake: Think about my suggestion alright? If you really feel like quiting then pass me your letter on monday again. i won't accept it now...

I was thinking why should i care if she accepted it anot...it's my right to tender and she didn;t have any right not to approve...And she's wrong...It have been a total of seven months since i last tendered in March...Till now, I 've been here for one year and five months...hoho...Im being calculative also. This morning parent quarreled again at 4am in their locked bedroom...so loud that it woke my brother and me...I got damn pissed off whenever they do this...to make matters worse...this morning i took wrong bus, met insane people who kept smiling to himself, scolded by a tupid auntie who mumbled fiercely when i stood in front of her in bus for no reason...I had a BAD BAD DAY...

L told me about her relationship issue...She don't know whether to break with her guy anot...and just like me, she kept repeating about leaving him, yet until now they are still togather. I understood how she felt, maybe, because I myself had been vexing over to quit my job or not. I didn't have the right to say "L, be firm. Why aren't you leaving him since you are not so happy with this relationship". I should convince myself to be decisive first before telling anyone else that...It's not easy ya? I knew...When you are in the state of being confused, you just sank deeper and couldn't make up your mind...And a simple disapproving sentence from someone else might confused you even further...

Me: If ever the thought of breaking up with him enter in your mind, then there's a big possibility that you might be having the same problem in future. Maybe you should ask yourself why would you be thinking of that in the first place?

L: I'm not sure...Next time when you are in a relationship, then you will understand...

Me: Ok...so everything i said now means rubbish? lolx

Alright. Maybe she sees no link to what i wanted to say...But i still believe that somehow, no matter it's work or family or love issues, once you have the slightest thoughts of the existance of a problem and you never try to solve it, it will just come back again to haunt you...Thank L for chatting with me, and for making me realize this...

Good
- I could eat and use handphone during office hour.
- I could do work in the design room often.
- I could play window messenger when working (Except not to let either P or B saw it)
- I could practise my design skill and learn administrative work.
- I could get slightly higher monthly salary than other administrative job.
- I could joke with one or two of the colleagues occasionally. (Though not all)
- I could get treat from boss during their birthday, Christmas, Chinese New Year.

Bad
- The Annual Leave is only seven days.
- They deduct leave (And pay when leave is not enough) for lateness
- The working time is from 9.15 to 6.30 mon to fri.
- There is no OT pay. (And often got to stay late to complete work)
- They terminated 3 staff but didn't replace any of them.
- The incharge and boss don't get along well with the staff (Showed black face often)
- Even some colleagues here don't get along well with each other.
- Workers here are expected to do 2 or 3 person work (But no increment)
- They passed sarcastic remarks whenever others come back from lunch late.
- There's no music in the office and couldn't surf the net unless boss is not around.
- They closed for additional one more day during CNY but auto deducted it from worker's annual leave.
- There's less than ten workers in the office now.

Okay…Guess what? I'm updating my blog using the admin computer again. It was becoming a routine. Everyday when I 'm free I would opened my work file and typed the entry using 6pt size font (Which even myself had difficulty reading lolx ) If I've to wear a spectacles someday, you guys know why ya? Heard a funny conversation between B and his associates just now...

A: Kuai dian la...Deng ni hen jiu le ah...Wo deng dao hua er ye xie le...Yao qu ktv chang zhe shou ge le la

B: Hahaha...Hua ben lai jiu xie le ma...

Dots right? lolx! Ms Chuin was asking me about my office interior cause i told her i couldn't surf net/play msn openly or else colleagues might know it when they walk pass. Basically, it was normal, just like any other office, with not-so-tall divider/ partitions. I am sitting right by the entrance, so whoever pass by behind me could see what Im doing exactly...Yes it's a bad sitting arrangement...and one which provide no freedom and privacy at all. I guess even those receptionist from established company will have better privacy than mine...Now, i heard another sarcastic conversation...

E: Where's J? Did anyone of you saw J?

Ber: Nowadays he went off earlier...You don't know?...People early bird ma...Always left early de...don't know who did he meet up with... (Sickening face)

Sonetimes i wonder why must words be filled with sarcasm...and why must people commented so damn much on others business...she could simply said "he went off" yet she like to kpo and add so much of her stupid shit...

Im (like what Ms Chuin always said) "Freaking sian". Monday bluesssss. It's the 4th of Sept today, and since I'm heading to HK on 8th of oct, i got to tender my resignation by this friday once i've make up my mind to quit. Otherwise, I just have to wait till after my vacation to leave. Hoho...Will think about it myself and not bother others with my trouble again (I'm worry friends might avoid me...hahaha)

Over the weekend, went shopping and brought a black cardigan. Yeah right, it's black again (Jun gonna said I'm boring). Anyway, I start wearing that Puma watch. I think I'm greedy, last few days i kept complaining about B's motive, and yet, I'm wearing it now. I think if one day I married a rich old uncle, no one will be surprised...lolx...

I wanna wish someone a happy birthday lolx! We ate prata togather just now and i forgot to tell her that...~~~~ whahahaha....Don't be sad hor birthday gal...lolx...Time now is 12:29.... I'm not too late right? Hope you stay pretty and most importantly, happy forever...

Went Thomson Prata House with Ms Chuin...whahaha She's damn lame tonite...Maybe she's just one of those who get crappy when night came...lolx!...Anyway...we chat alot la...thirsty...Actually i wrote quite a long entry during office today, sent to my hotmail and was going to post it up once i reach home. But now i realised the mail didn't get through somehow...waste my time thinking and typing...

Boss gave me a Puma watch yesterday. Quite a expensive one. I was thinking maybe he got it from someone/somewhere, and somehow had predicted that I might tender my resignation letter again so thought a gift might avoid it. Honestly, I don't care whether it's branded or not (It's not Levi's anyway). Even if it's something I've been aiming, i wouldn't have appreciated it as much when it's a token from someone whom i don't trust at all. Yes, ask me and I would tell you I don't trust any of my colleagues at all. i'm sensitive ya? I took it home, stared at it long enough and wanted so much to return it back...hoping by doing so would ease the guiltiness and uneasiness i felt after receiving it...If I had read B's motive accurately, that I believed his tactic had worked well on me. It confused me further, not knowing if i should quit or stay. You guys must be silently shaking head, thinking why am i so indecisive and acted exactly like a coward. I complained, and when it's time to leave, i hesitated. Yaya...I think I suck...Ms Chuin is right...i couldn't blame anyone for what's I'm feeling...cause I brought trouble to myself …I’m the one who is usless…

Why am I always being like this…tinking so much…booooooo….

By the way,, Xp had already booked the ticket to HK for us. Will be going for a holiday from 8th to 11th October. I applied for a one week annueal leave on Monday. Hahaha….Hope everything goes smoothly. Heard people said the summer sales in HK will be over by the time i vist and there wouldn't be much to shop about except winter clothings…abit sad…:(

Don't wanna repeat today's incident again...But i just hope someday people who teased and embarrassed others will get to feel how hurting those words could be...Thank Chuin...I'm gonna copied and paste your paragraphs to my blog...

They dunno how much it hurts to say people. To them it's just teasing.. and they do it to make themselves happy and to entertain themselves.. but they nv know how it will affect the people that they have teased. It's called mental torturing. They are abusing us emotionally.. You may think that it's not a big deal and there's no need to take it seriously.. Wait till u experience how ppl ALWAYS treat u like u're stupid (or smth negative) or always said u are one infront of ur face as well as the others. I just hope one of you can copy and paste this to those mindless idiots who like to criticise/tease ppl often. Or maybe one of you reading my blog are one of the people like tat. Get it in your head and be more sensitive can?I'm just super pissed with insensitive brainless people like tat. Fuck off can? Now I know why some people will turned crazy and go off killing ppl. Because they could no longer take it anymore. They just snapped.. Zhen, They will have their turn to taste wat it's like. I dun think u are what they've said. =)

Life is unfair...why does woman mood swing when their period comes? Arghhh

I am frustrated with myself. Even the tiniest matter annoyed me. This morning I received an order from P, and i went ahead to pack the goods since E is on leave. Anyway, I'm damn blur enough to miss some boxes kept on the upper shelves, so I searched only boxes from the middle shelves. Naturally, those boxes from top shelves still didn't caught my small eyes when I turned to leave the store (That's a huge disadvantages of being short and fat ya?). I thought there's no stock left and stupidly I phoned my sales to let him know (Guys, Just laugh and say I'm Stupid...Cause I really am!!)...

We spent the whole afternoon discussing 'how?" through phone. Read carefully, it's the whole afternoon~ I wasted my whole noon~ I realized the presence of those boxes at 628 pm and I felt an urge to strangle myself...The sales gonna be thinking I'm stupid and stoning when I called him back again...

Just now..at home...I raised my voice at ah gong again...Sorry...i really very very pek chek...


-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
i tell my ah gong "I WAN EAT...BUT DUN NEED HEAT IT"

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
and he listen as "no..i dun wan eat"

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
so he nag...but nvm...i didn't care him

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
den papa come home...ask me want heat anot..i dots..den i said heat la..anything.later i eat

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
den he heat

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
heat hao le ah gong ask me "u dun wan eat why ask ur papa eat"

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
den i said "i wan eat!"

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
den he "waste ppl effort blah blah blah"

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
den i shout "I WAN EAT...MUST TELL U HOW MANY TIMES I WAN EAT!!!!! I LATER EAT..I WAN EAT!!!!!"

-=justy=-"...BOO LA..." says:
i very bad i noe

Went to Cineleisure with Ms Chuin yesterday...Brought two shorts for jogging but realized one of them is too loose when I tried on at home. I'm praying it wouldn't slide down my butt when I jog tomorrow...hahaha! Anyway...I also brought a skirt for Ms Chuin as her birthday gift....Nice nice yo...I'm tempted to buy one for myself too...But then it's not really my style and there's no L size...(I have such a big fat hip...Sad)...

I did a test which I got from Ms Chuin Blog...here's the result...for which some points aren't quite true...

Your dating personality profile: You matched the following traits:

Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.

Shy - You are often timid around others, though you will open up when the right person comes along.

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.

Your date match profile: You match with men who have following traits:

Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape.

Stylish - You cannot put up with someone who is lacking in style. You want an original, someone with flare, someone with good taste.

Wealthy/Ambitious - You seek someone with goals, someone to whom success is important. You would like for this person to open up new experiences and opportunities for you.

When I'm working, Pk msn me and i ignored him. I know I'm bad...I hope he is not reading this...But sometimes he would just type rubbish (About buying lottery and it will be a sure win cause I finally answered him on msn, or about how the sky turn red since I actually replied 'Hi' )...lolx! Trust me, this would no doubt annoyed someone if he/she is busy... Alright, even if he came across this he'd probably agree with me... hahaha!

Anyhow, he today typed something different after seeing me not replying him...And i just wanted to say a simple 'Thank You' to him...Thanks Pk...Thanks for what? Thanks for always listening to me complaining about how dumb, stupid and clumsy I am...always encouraging me that i need to keep trying so i could be sucessful some day...

ﾈｽﾍﾌVgｾ0248 says:
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process.

ﾈｽﾍﾌVgｾ0248 says:
juz for you =) take care i go work le

Decided to skip every monday, tuesday and thursday at home. Below is my plan to losing weight...

1. Exercise (Skipping or jogging) 2 - 3 times a week
2. Have Breakfast every morning
3. Eat lesser Fast food (Friends reading this blog, please remind me to dine in foodcourt when we go shopping after work)
4. Buy a mirror (So that i can check if I'm really sliming down)
5. Try to go out on saturday and sunday (That brother of mine is sure to buy tibits and snacks during weekends)
6. Consume lesser rice, noodle, bread
7. Download more songs (I could listen and skip along)

That's about all...can't realli think of much right now...

Yesterday visited the Eski Bar with Ms Yun, Joey and Lele...blehz...Nice ambience but not-so-nice drinks...lolx...Anyway...tomorrow it's a monday and i shall not type too much here...

Went to watch 'Click' with Xp today...It makes me think of how i always said "Monday is coming...how i wish for time to stop here"...And my bro will countered back "You want time to stop here? Which means you're going to miss a lot of things...Friends birthday, family birthday, Your own birthday, Chinese new year, Christmas and so many more"

Yeah...the movie interpreted exactly that...And there's this particular scene which nearly bring tears to my eyes ya? The guy skipped through so much in his life that he couldn't even recalled when his wife had ran off with another man or when his dad had died. The remote controller couldn't rewind his memories back to the day of his dad funeral simply because he wasn't there at all...And the last time he had seen his dad alive, was the day when he raised his voice at him...The old man, always so funny and jolly, had left with tears streaming down his cheek...

Ms chuin told me most people will not treasure things in their life maybe until they had lost them...I agree...Cause i sure as hell didn't cherish both closely-related aunties of mine until they had passed away...I'm cold-blooded huh?

Anyway...Before that movie we dine at Maestro Bistro (Not sure if it's the correct spelling) The creamy chicken pasta and classic chicken pie sux alrite? Real disappointing...was actually planning of having some tasty food and enjoying a good movie...just spoilt my mood alittle ya? bull...

M.B Supervisor: Hi...Are you all here for a movie?
Xp: Erm..ya
M.B Supervisor: What movie are you guys watching?
Xp: Click
M.B Supervisor: Oh...Nice movie...Enjoy your meal...(Smile and walk off)

Guessed what i commented on his politeness? I uttered out loud "He's bo liao huh?" and I assumed he heard it since he glanced back instantly...Maybe the tasteless dishes got alittle to do with my rude remarks...whahaha!

Yea...I told Ms chuin that I'm gonna post up loads of shit here...Why do i have to think of all kind of excuses just to take a half day leave, much less a full day one? Why do i have to look at a charcoal face for almost every working days and i've done nothing wrong? Why do i drag every night when I knew the next morning i've got to go work? Why do i have to feel guilty even when my leave is already approve?

Because i told lies...Because i dislike this job...Because i just wanted to have a one week vacation and the longest leave i ever took were two days in a row...Because my annual leave is only seven days...Because because?

Because I can never be contented and satisfy with what i have now...I hate myself for being like this...Sorry to all my friends out there who probably got to dig their ears everytime i complained to them...

Okok...I'm a complain queen...and yesterday i read an email which sound so true about me...

Blood type B:
1. Cool & Objective
2. Joke alot but could be shy actually
3. Complain alot when upset

I'm angry...blehz...loathe the feeling of being looked down by others...He was the one who gave me the idea and asked me to work it out...but final concept was rejected by him because he thought it was so 'Orh Piang'...boo...

He: This poster is so 'Orh Piang'. What do you think? (Smiling)

He: You sit here whole day and just do this? (Fake smiling again. He forgot he passed me the assignment only in the afternoon!)

He: You seldom look at advertising posters right? (Still smiling!!!)

This is so blehz!!!